I am not going out with Bob today
It's because he's ill, and that's okay
I have once been ill before
I once had a cold and now my head is sore
But don't worry about Bob, he's got it all sorted out
He's never alone with his kids and wife about
He's watching his son making videos online
And even his toddler's doing just fine
Maybe he'll spend time talking to his wife
His partner in the crime, the love of his life
While his toddler watches Raa Raa The Noisy Lion,
Bob stays home and I'm not lying
In one half hour I'm heading to bed
To stop my achy, weary head
It's because of stress that my head is in pain,
So I'm never going to buy another phone again!
Furaha one day had a sore head
From the moment she woke up and got out of bed
Orko and her parents cared for her so
How did they care for her? About time you know!
Furaha lay on the sofa and groaned
While Orko gave her a teddy he owned
He fed her warm and nourishing soup
Which sent her eyeballs into a loop
She lay on the sofa and rested in peace
Orko covered a blanket over her, and at least
She got some rest, a little luxury too
"There," said Orko, "Just me and you."
Orko snuggled beside Furaha
And wrapped her arms around her tight
See? We knew he loved her
Her headache will go tonight.
This little yellow thing called Clip
She's the best at giving your hair a snip
Your hair's a mess, she'll try her best
To make it right in a whip!
She works with my hairdresser Lila
She styles and cuts peoples' hair
I bet if I returned to the hairdresser's,
She'll trim my curly hair!
I always enjoy a good shampoo
Followed by a trim and cut
But if you get Clip to trim your hair
You'll be nervous right down to your butt!
So don't let an experiment cut your hair
Whatever you normally do
Because if anyone's hair needs cutting,
Clip may just choose you!
Just the other day I was outside playing
With Jimmy and his monkey friend Mitch
I'd rather be with Lady Penelope,
But I really can't decide who or which
Are boys and monkeys better than woman
Or is it the other way round?
But I know if we look deep inside us
We find something much more profound
Lady Penelope loves me just as much
As my two friends Jimmy and Mitch
Mike Mercury just loves them too
He loves them deeper than a ditch
But if I love Penelope more,
A true mother she will be
We will spend more time together
Just Lady Penelope and me!
Taylor Swift was everywhere
On the news and on TV
But it’s only natural we have a party
Themed around her vanity!
We put up a sparkly red background
And a flashing light about love
We put up a bracelet sign
Up near the table way above
We display a snack stand named ‘87
And put ball stands in our cupcakes
We even put tiny golden disco balls
Into what we’ve baked
Red and sparkly glitter drinks
Filled with glamour and style
A whole pitcher filled with beer
So the men can get drunk a while
Lay the table, place a red as blood shirt
Underneath the pitcher and flowers
Let’s hope our favourite team wins
If we can stay here for an hour
Tin Tin woke up, it's 3AM
What's keeping her awake just then?
It's her baby daughter crying, what's that smell?
It's a stinky nappy, it's as putrid as hell!
Tin Tin when downstairs to change her
Her tiredness will soon be in danger
Of her 3 year old daughter who asks for some milk
And Tin Tin, normally smooth as silk
Goes to grab her favourite undersea mug
And pours in some milk from a jug
In the living room, Alan sits by himself
Watching a romcom he picked from the shelf
Eating popcorn and drinking Coke,
And thinking, PAH! What a joke
But then his two sons run in
Their eyes wide and sharp as a pin
"Dad, what's this film? Can we watch?"
But up to bed they go, with Alan's strict touch.
In our peaceful temple in the China hills
Lady Penelope had enough of loud thrills
She took my hand and off we went
Out the huge door into a forest of enchantment
The forest was made of wooden bamboo
All green and tall and fresh and new
The wind was blowing swift and free
And we were walking along, just Penelope and me
The grass was tall and definitely long
To the wind’s gentle music it swayed along
But the most incredible sound I heard
Was as gentle and kind as a rare songbird
It was the sound of a wind chime perched way up high
On the balcony of a small house we passed by
Its beauty and grace carried in its tune
As the fireflies sparkled and danced in the moon
At last, we came to a smooth blue lake
Which shined in the moonlight for pity’s sake
Lotus flowers were floating slow as a snake
And a fresh rosy scent was carried on the lake
From the sleeve of her kimono Penelope produced some petals
And I felt them - they were much better than metal
She threw them into the water and they floated down
Causing gentle ripples to widen all around
But then dark storm clouds covered the moon
And all at once, a storm started too soon
Thunder crashed, howling wind and rain
So off we went back home again
When we got home my nose was wet
So Lady Penelope went to get
A herbal capsule to soothe my cold
And some lotus tea to keep me bold
The tea was warm, the outdoor rain wild
To Lady Penelope, I was her child
But now we’re yawning and so we head
Upstairs to our cosy, soft, snuggly bed.
It was a nice snow day in the year '91
When all the kids were outside having fun
I woke up with Pink Teddy by my side
While under the covers Penelope did hide
I walked lazily to the bathroom rubbing my eyes
When Penelope did wake up, it was a surprise
She asked me for a mug of hot cocoa
And I said yes, so what's to know?
And now, look at us: snuggled together
Underneath warm blankets - aaahhh, heaven
We drink our cocoa and watch Children's BBC
On Lady Penelope's small screen TV
Yes, this is the year 1991
And everyone was having fun
Especially Lady Penelope and me
Keeping warm, just my mum and me.