How Far In Grizzlyville?: Jamie's School Dinners

I have started reading Grizzly Tales: Gruesome Grown Ups, and the first story, Jamie's School Dinners, was gross and absolutely horrifying at the same time. It made me want to have actual chicken nuggets, no matter how the story portrayed children who only have one thing for meals every day.

When I got up to the bit where Jamie had chicken drumsticks, I was immediately hooked, because the main villain, Ambrosine, was stuffing him up as plump as who everyone calls him now, a 'little goose'. To make matters worse, Jamie's parents' health and concern for their now-heavyweight son deteriorate with every day that goes on, and as Jamie eats countless weights of food, he develops yellow zits on his face, and grows mushrooms all around his neck! Yeuck!

But, I am glad Amazon Kindle had annotations, so I could deliver my own thoughts on the story. Speaking of which, there is a part where the narrator tells us about a spoof of Doctor Who called Doctor Which. And what did I toggle in the annotations box?

"Ooh, burn!"

Typical sci-fi fan on a detox. Anyway, Ambrosine lures the now-obese Jamie towards her island, where she cooks him with horrid, nasty things usually taken out of healthy food for kids, mainly the e-numbers you'd find in Pink Wafers, until Jamie explodes.

The story ends on a dark note as Jamie's parents forget everything about their son, because he is served to another schoolboy in another part of the country during lunchtime, implying that he is about to meet the same fate as our morbidly-weight-gaining hero.

Now, I am not like Jamie, if you can ask me how I keep myself healthy and clean. I have a morning and nightly skincare routine, I put cream on my itchy and stingy spots which frequently appear on my body, and I shower regularly, not to mention I eat a variety of things for every meal, not just chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers.

So please, parents, if you see a child with an eating disorder, don't tell him if his parents offered him their brains. Instead, ask him about his hygiene, habits and diet. You might be able to offer some advice to his parents...but do they have the brains to take it all in?

To be continued...

SILENCE IS GOLDEN!

Cleansing The Soul

My mind, body and soul have been officially cleansed, meaning I get more ideas easier. How? Let me tell you how.

My support worker took me into town yesterday, and it was tons and tons of fun. First of all, we went to the chemist. I wanted to pet a fluffy brownish-orange dog that was wandering about (how do they allow animals in there?!), but my S.W. ushered me along to get something with that £3 voucher I got from Aquafresh for complaining about how bad their kids' and Paw Patrol toothpaste smelled.

Afterward, we went to the charity shop to see if my crazy support worker was there, but...sigh. He wasn't. So, I posed sassily in front of a pile of old books and games like a model for Vogue - you know, I should work there one day, as long as I'm not exploited.

Then, came the most life changing moment in the world - my S.W. took me to the local cathedral. My eyes widened and my jaw nearly oozed out of my mouth, because for a cathedral it was huge. Massive. ENORMOUS!

My S.W. showed me everything that's huge and enormous, from the flower decorations on the high up, ornate ceilings, to the mega heavy bibles and the gigantic steel organ to the kids' section and best of all...the memory tree. My favourite part.

Now, you're all going to cry reading this, so I suggest you bring smooth, clean hankies to dab your eyes with as you read. I wrote a message to not just David Graham, the original voice of Parker, who died just two years ago when I got into Gerry Anderson, Captain Scarlet, Thunderbirds and many others, but also...my Grandma.

No, I didn't write on it that she was a moody old bag, I told her this:

"I will keep smiling for you."

And I will still do it, no matter what. Thank you, Grandma.

Then, I started praying as my S.W. took pictures of me wishing Grandma luck during her time over the Rainbow Bridge. Feeling sad? There, there, don't cry, guys, it's alright. I promise you the next few bits of the entry will make you smile, I promise.

Anyway, after this emotional turn of events, my S.W. and I went to the bookshop - FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS! It must be full of cobwebs now. I looked around all the packed shelves for puzzle, picture and wordsearch books, but every shelf was lined with a book featuring Bluey and her 'crazeh' family. Bluey here, Bluey there, Bluey Bluey everywhere!

But then, I found the ticket: a Sticker Dolly Dressing book - not about Halloween, not about Easter, but about a magical unicorn kingdom. Amazing! And as an extra special treat, my S.W. let me order some Paddington Bear bookmarks and a chocolate ice cream from the freezer near the front door. It tasted absolutely gourmet!

Once we ordered our food from ASDA, we had our picnic near the haunted ferry, where not only did I gorge down all my sausage rolls like Jamie in the first story in Grizzly Tales: Gruesome Grown Ups, but I also tried something new. Well, they were old, but, I don't mean old as in 'gone off'.

I meant fresh! Apple slices and cheese cubes! However, I wasn't fond of purple grapes, I was only fond of green grapes, so, I threw every single one of my fruits out to feed to the starving birds.

On closing, I just like to say that this day cleansed my spiritual beliefs not just for one day, but forever. Now I'm going to put my beliefs in everything I believe in, but for other rights.

Fists in the air if you believe me!

"Hail,

HAIL,

OUR CREATOR!!!"