My Views On DK's Timeline Of Everything

This book is called Timelines Of Everything-

DIRECTOR: "No no no! You can't just start it off like a lazily produced Creepypasta of an Adult Swim show. Try again, please, mistress!"

*sigh* Okay...

*BLEEP!*

Right, so this book is about a small line which guides us through different points in time, from points in history to our interests and preferences, some of which are so disgusting and shocking I can't even list down in this blog entry. Here are a few of my favourites:

• There is one about cavemen which is told as if it were a cave painting on the wall, with the exulted line transforming into something painted by our ancestors a long time ago. I mean, you can't just make it into an illustration and then spend all your life and millions of pounds photographing it, it'll cost an awful lot of money!
• And then, there's one about 'Festivals & Fun'. The line this time has turned a neon pink and there are small people having lots of fun, from going to the first zoo to the first largest aquarium built in London Zoo.
• The one about writing really jumped out at me most, mainly because now I'm into writing stream of conciousness material. The line here is depicted as a huge inky blot on a plain piece of paper, with an ink pen way above it. Whoever did it must've done a really good job. Well done to whoever made this page, your mum will be proud of you, your dad, your brothers, your sisters, your kids, all proud of you.

But the one about earthquakes? The line here looks like it's a black centipede instead of a crack in the road. Eurgh!

Still, this book proves that DK isn't just for kids growing up in the early 2000's, it's for grownups too. Bear and Penguin, if you're reading this, please be aware that right now DK is making a CD rom for adults based on mental health and mindfulness techniques.

Bear & Penguin's Mental Health Adventure?

Bear & Penguin's Big Mindfulness Adventure?

I'm sure we can all agree with something like that, right? We can, that's for sure.

How about you?

Kermit's Swamp Years: The Lost Interview With Kermit

"Personally, everyone in the swamp felt like family to me - before this whole classic Muppet Movie incident started. My dad was my family, my mum, my brothers, my sisters, my cousins, even Lord Pondweed, the wisest frog in the swamp, all a family to me, and they all have the pride to play and have fun whenever they want. But what's the point? We don't like Disney anymore, not since they lost ideas and went to AI. Playing and having fun is what we're born to do, it makes us puppet frogs happy.

Erm....yay?

Oh. Yeah. No work today, that's the personal swamp motto!

Now I know it looks disgusting, but the way I see it, it's life before you hit the red carpet. If just one human can have the safer delusion that they're learning with Bear or The Hoobs, or blasting off into space with the Brats Of The Lost Nebula on Kids' WB, there's a-"

"Hey, Kermie! Kermie, what's with the interviewer, Slimeface?"

"She just follows me around, making a behind the scenes look at my Swamp Years or something..."

"Oooooooh!"

"Can I have a part?"

"Me too!/Sign me a waver!/We want a part in your movie, Kermit!"

"Tell me about it. You can't trust my bros. They call me useless before I became an actor with slime on my back. Alright, here we go. No no no no no, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh SH*****************!!!"

The creators of this satirical documentary would like to stress that they in no way wish to cause offence to any real life dead lab-tested frogs.

CN City Compilation/Bumper Collection