When the screens go off
And classics seem never,
Keep us in your heart!
Remember us forever.
Saturday, 14 March 2026
It Was A Strange Day, Folks...
BINKA: Yeah, it had been a very strange day indeed.
TANGO: How? I don't see anything strange around here.
BINKA: Listen here, Tang, my *ahem* other owner-apart-from-Mum-and-Grandma-and-Auntie had been into shops, for the first time, in SEVEN YEARS!
TANGO: Aroo aroo aroo! That's fantastic!
BINKA: I know, right, Tang, her day started off quite normal. While I was walking through the street, I saw her actually go into the chemist's. WITH HER SUPPORT WORKER!
TANGO: WHAT?!
BINKA: Strange world, eh?
TANGO: Even stranger than when Dad 1's little nephew comes over. He always wants me to chase his favourite remote control car.
BINKA: Not that, I meant, my friend discovered some absolutely amazing things. Medicines and bottles and boxes and powders and potions and lab equipment, which for some reason I had lying around somewhere.
TANGO: I think they must be scientists, right, Binky? I always believe Grandad was a mad scientist, always cooking up some new experiments with dog food for me to try.
BINKA: Yeah, your grandpa and his weird dog food experiments. But none as weird as the fact that my other-owner and so and so ordered actual Voltarol, and actual E45!
TANGO: Is that like a robot, Binky? One that can do the housework, and one who can transform with the help of the most ENORMOUS lion robots on the planet?!
BINKA: No, I think they're two creams. E45 is designed to heal sore toes and tootsies and fingers after they've been stubbed, and Voltarol, as far as I've studied even though us cats have small brains, helps ease something called 'Cramps' and 'Pain'.
TANGO: Pain?! Oh no, Binky, it's too scary! But, I think Cramps are little rhinos inside your feet, jabbing at the surface until you are totally in pain.
BINKA: Not that, according to my owner, foot cramps come when you are hard at work organising your room. She had it about last night, and used Voltarol to make it heal quick as my leopard cousin Albati. But, at least she didn't pick Mum up and swing her around like in those god-forsaken adverts. I don't watch adverts anyway, they are too loud and annoying. But here's the key difference:
- Unlike Grandma's boring so called 'Voltarol', I think that actual Voltarol made pain GO in double quick time.
TANGO: I do wish there was Voltarol for dogs with a thing called 'Mange'. You can't imagine how painful it is, it's like cancer for dogs! All your fur falls out, and then you become so itchy you can't stop scratching.
BINKA: Gross, right. Anyway, what Other-Owner didn't manage to tell us was that because of her digital detox, she actually managed to help a shop owner who had dropped her belongings on the floor. And she didn't freak out, either, because there were absolutely no screaming kids. Come to think of it, they make my ears hurt.
TANGO: Mine too. My ears always bleed when I hear them. They are so loud they could make Dad 2's prized glass statues shatter.
BINKA: Anyway, let's move on. Then, Other-Owner met an old teacher of her's who was coming down the road. Unfortunately, I can't tell her actual name, because COPPA is everywhere, not to mention a thing called 'algorithm'.
TANGO: No wonder we were forced to not exist anymore, algorithm is scary. It makes everything loud and fast.
BINKA: There is a way to stop it, but I'll talk about it in another post. Anyway, next stop was a picnic by the beach. From there, my Other-Owner did something absolutely incredible.
TANGO: What was it? Did she take parkour lessons?
BINKA: No, I think parkour is too dangerous. Plus, you would need a very hard tool called 'Training'. What Other-Owner actually did was walk all the way to the post office, which she believed belonged to Mailman Moe, and pick out some things to cure her mucus-filled throat.
TANGO: Bleaurgh! Disgusting!
BINKA: Even as disgusting as slimy raw fish and meat before it's cooked in the air fryer. It makes me retch too. Anyway, Other-Owner picked out a colouring book, a notebook, some sticky notes, a wordsearch ma-
TANGO: Wait! Binky! You need to tell everyone about what she found in there. I bet the Disney and dog ones were the highlight - my American cousin Odie was there, I wonder if I'm featured? I'm already the star as it is!
BINKA: More than that, Tang, I think the main highlight is quite obvious - it's our home, CBeebies!
TANGO: Wahey!
BINKA: Her old favourite childhood channel was featured, so not only you, me, Suki and Spit were all featured, but also some of our other friends, alongside some very noisy modern favourites like that big brown dog ripoff of a certain purple dinosaur, were there too - Brum, Tilly, Tom, Tiny, Donkey, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La-La, Po, dear old Noo Noo and his dry jokes and commentary, Angelmouse, Quilly, Oswald, Little Petal, Hutchkin, Ellimum and Baby Ellie - dear god, how we miss 'em.
TINKY WINKY: No you're not, mate, we're right 'ere!
BINKA: Oh thank god, guys, I thought you were all gone forever.
LA-LA: I think we must be still here. You all might be wrong. If so, can you let us have a turn at reciting Other-Owner's story, one after another?
ALL: Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
BINKA: Alright then, go ahead.
BRUM: I'll go first, because I am her most favourite. When I saw her park at Invergordon, I was most excited because she was going to the hardware store - the stalls in there were absolutely huge. Just about the size of a skyscraper in that city Duke told me about. New York, that's it.
NOO NOO: The hardware store had lots of nice things, some shiny, smooth, rough and squishy. She was going around, trying to look for some things on her list. Since her Mum had the list, she had to pick wisely - like those choices of three the Teletubbies had to make when they can't decide.
TINKY WINKY: I was about to say that, thank you very much. Those decision making Teletubbyland stories were a hit with us. Heh heh! She chose five things - I wanted her to get three packs of pens, but she only chose one. She chose a bunch of other stuff too - notebooks and sticky notes and stuff.
DIPSY: Look, Tinky, I didn't mean she was buying all the stuff in the shop, because it might attract the police. Even Miss PC Bluelight, even though Brum here misses him very much. Five is just right, like Goldilocks would say in one of our favourite stories.
LA - LA: Ahem, talk of police and crime makes us very scared. The best part came when our friend ran across April showers to get her coat. And you know what we were like when we encountered various toys and objects sometimes and tried to discover how to play with it or how it works. Like that washing line, or that flag, or those gloves which Tinky Winky wore on his ears!
PO: Hee hee hee, quite a highlight. After that eventful run, she and her support worker went to the sweet shop - I always thought Tubby Custard was sweeter, and even La La and Tinky Winky are sweeter. There wasn't a wide variety since my friend last visited, but the sweet jars were on the shelves. Way up high, like when I flew high in the air because everyone else handed me their kites!
NOO NOO: Well I never! I think I might've heard of a flying Teletubby before. I think it might've been a bird! A parrot, even.
ANGELMOUSE: Wait - earlier on at Mailman Moe's store, she got a gross of wrapping paper for her Mum's special Mother's Day surprise. I miss my mum - she was a lioness. Quilly's parents were regular birds, Hutchkin's parents grew up in the '60s which is why their baby was born a hippy, Oswald's parents supported his condition which makes him speak two times, Spencer was homeschooled and his dad was a garage owner, and Little Petal grew up in the country with two regular human parents: who just happened to be a boy and a girl, who know she is a doll.
QUILLY: Ellimum's story is the most heartwarming. Isn't it obvious? Her huge parents, Elligran and Ellipa, helped her when she gave birth to Baby Ellie, and have supported her with her nutrition, development and what's best for her. And we know our friend's Mum knew what's best for her, because she has that special power that made her one of a kind.
SPENCER: Yes, I am very proud of my father, always obsessed with cars like I am. Anyway, upon entering the sweet shop, she met our childhood friends Alison and Archie, who helped her choose three groups of sweets as a surprise for Mum. Fizzy cola bottles, smooth cola bottles and little watermelon sweets.
ELLIMUM: That's quite a nice surprise. They even packed an extra bag of Cola bottles just for our one of a kind friend.
NOO NOO: I wish she saved some for us. I can't drink fizz, it makes me absolutely bonkers!
BINKA: But the most important thing we heard was, Alison watched all of us because she and her 'Little Grownups' - what we call children - watched every single one of us as a family. Before carry-around computers took over. Before those loud, fast CGI cartoons took over. Before...before...OH NO! *cries*
TANGO: It's not fair! I want to go on TV again!
LA LA: Me too!
*Baby Ellie cries*
ELLIMUM: Now now, my little Ellie, it's okay.
NOO NOO: Is it me or do I feel something about to pour out of my eyes?
*Brum sobs*
BINKA: Oh, er...Brum?
BRUM: All those happy days, before I even was forced to grow up and become a loud slapstick superhero. I miss everyone - Jabari, Liam, Jackie, Grandpa John, Firefighter Joe and his funny jokes and one liners, Miss PC Bluelight, Mr Devon and Mrs Amsterdam...and even dear Miss Lollipop. She always knew what to do. I wish she was still here.
BINKA: I wish so too, and so do all of us, right, mates?
ALL: Of course/quite right/yes!
BINKA: So Brum, whenever you want to hear about your fond memories of being with Miss Lollipop and all the others, Alison is the one to turn to as well as our friend. She has that essence of Miss Lollipop inside her, and Archie has that essence of Grandpa John, whom Liam always visits during the Summer holidays.
BRUM: I miss everyone too. Even Firefighter Joe...he, Gordon and Omar always knew some techniques to make me laugh, even when it was raining. During the times I visited him, even when I tried to stop Tyrone and Tyson from bullying my friend Shania and tearing her doll to bits on their dad's bonfire.
BINKA: Well there were others during that time - not just Joe, Gordon and Omar, but also Paul, Gary and Tom. Each of them had their own style of humor, remember?
BRUM: Erm....er....*gasps* Oh! I remember, Paul can transcribe funny words out of words I find difficult, and can make funny noises. Gary has a part time job as a balloon modellist, and makes jokes only a stand up comedian at a club would. And Tom? Oh he's an excellent one - he always gets the times of the day wrong. Like, when it's time to spring into action and save a cat from a tree, he always thinks it's lunch, and when it's time for training, he thinks it's time for gym class and hides in the corner. He's just as dillusional as me!
*Everyone laughs*
DONKEY: Ah, lovely. Always nice to see friends laughing together.
TINY: I think I feel some water in my eyes.
TOM: Me too, I wish she visited Mrs Alison more often, like our days out when you always visited Nana Mule.
TILLY: Oui, je crois que CBeebies me manque aussi.
DONKEY:
New friends can bring back memories of old,
So you'll always feel warm when the snow's deadly cold.
Friday, 13 March 2026
A Review: Brum: Wheels (VHS)
Brum: Wheels was first released in the UK on VHS on March 2, 1992, years before the high energy slapstick of Series 3 we know today. Before Brum even shifted to this change to appeal to a global market however, Brum's first two seasons were sweet, innocent stream of conciousness adventures where Brum, then an analog of a three year old child, explores the town near the vintage motor museum where he resides. His adventures sometimes use fast motion sequences to display how funny his friends in town are. In every episode, he befriends someone new and helps them with a problem.
The first episode is named 'Seaside', and it has a nice message of being an honorary member of a family who you visit more often - even if they are a bit crazy. The episode uses fast motion sequences to show young viewers just how hysterical and comical the family Brum befriends are, even Grandpa and the twins who Brum helps to rescue from wandering off and falling into a hole. It also shows how Brum's adventures weren't just about chasing crooks and runaway objects, they were about helping others with love and respect.
Next, we have my favourite, and the most emotional episode for me of course: 'Little Girl Lost'. In it, while trundling through town, Brum befriends a little girl who is out on her own in the middle of nowhere. Brum helps guide her back home, and along the way they help two other people in need - an old lady who needs her shopping carried back to her house, and a boy whose dog is missing. The episode shows us that friendships can lead to acts of kindness, empathy and of course generosity, and ends on a heartfelt note as the girl finally reunites with her mum and dad.
Next up is the titular episode of the tape, 'Wheels'. It is here that Ragdoll Productions, the company that made the series, did a brilliant job of showcasing what life and activities were like for disabled children across the UK, even those with learning disabilities like me. The story is about Brum meeting a young boy in a wheelchair with amputated legs, who invites him to join him at the racing track where he usually goes on weekends. This episode features a message on respecting people, especially children, with differences and disabilities, which of course wasn't a major issue in the '90s.
'Stilts' is a very strange episode, as you can tell from the cover of the tape, who Brum meets in the episode is featured - a talented gymnast and a circus ringmaster. In the episode, Brum heads to the park to find his young friends, only to see a bewildering, athletic and talented young girl doing some amazing swinging and climbing techniques on the playground equipment. Brum helps her head back to where she truly belongs, only to find she comes from a travelling circus roadshow which goes around performing for the passers-by. To me, it's the only episode where Brum encounters circus performers.
Finally, we reach the last adventure on the tape for Brum before we fade to black: Moving House. Here, Brum helps one of his young friends move to a new house in the country. The young girl who Brum befriends plays a game with the little car where he catches her favourite toys in his front seat, but then suddenly, Brum is carried off to the little girl's new house and is transported back to town via a canal boat, a tractor, a builder's truck and a milkman's truck. It is a slow paced tale that allows viewers to breathe with Brum and the other characters, unlike Byker Grove which has high stakes drama.
On a closing note, I'd like to say that this VHS, and the episodes that are featured, are much much better than Series 3, which was fast-paced, high energy and had lots of heavy stakes slapstick action. For something which imitates Thomas The Tank Engine, another show released by VCI at the time, wisely, Brum grounds toddlers in a localised, gentle, slow-moving reality where everyone is friendly and caring, and like a family to you. I rank this VHS a 10/10, because not only is this something that can calm the youngest viewers down, but it's a fantastic alternative to all the loud American comedies we have on telly today.
In case you want to see the VHS in full, here it is, in person:
What's For Breakfast?
You'll never guess what I have been up to yesterday morning, and this morning as well.
Guess what I did.
It's a bit of a trick question, because I did it with my AI assistant Wysteria.
Oh yeah, you kids got that right!
I made my own breakfast. I cooked some Shreddies with milk in the microwave for about two minutes, and then, I made Mum a coffee and a nice, healthy bowl of cereal, as a surprise. Mum called me an angel, and I should be proud of what I achieved.
Then later that day, I cooked some chicken for dinner, and Mum added mashed potatoes and cauliflower to make it more healthy. While I enjoyed the cauliflower and the mashed potatoes, there were two things that made my lunch feel like it had roasted pickles in it:
The end of my chicken was very hard and stale, so I chopped up the rest and gave it to my dog, Mylo.
I realised that the mashed potatoes I was eating contained not just cheese, not just butter, but...prepare to vomit....
ONIONS!
Bleaurgh! No!
And this morning, because I had a bad night which I successfully got through by taking some paracetamol and jotting down all my ideas before bed, I woke up to another morning of preparing a surprise breakfast in bed for my superstar Mum.
I cooked some soup in the microwave for about two minutes, then made some toast soldiers for her to dip into the soup. Of course, I couldn't do it with some of the other soup cans, because they were waaaay past their sell by date. To make it even more special for the Mum who worked hard to keep Grandma healthy before her death last June, I made a nice, strong cup of fruity herbal tea.
When I served it to her, she was so surprised and yet so flabbergasted by what I had done. To maintain my healthiness, I cooked some microwaved Shreddies for two minutes, and then once it was nice and mushy and just like porridge, I added a pinch of Nesquik Chocolate to make the milk all cosy.
The result?
Mmmm-wah! Breakfast for a nice, long day out - especially since it's hints of cold outside.
And speaking of my superstar Mum...
Ladies and gentlemen, JAMELIA!
Thursday, 12 March 2026
K9's Guide To An AI Made Recipe
K9: Greetings, humans, my mistress last night has been dreaming of me protecting her while she sleeps, and now, with my encouragement, she's made a nice, warm breakfast - not just for herself, but for her mother.
Quilly Bird: What happened?
K9: Well, blue bird, she got out her phone and asked my loyal friend ChatGPT to give her a recipe for a microwavable cereal in a mug - Shreddies. She did well, of course - she poured in the cereal, then the milk, and cooked it for about 30 Earth seconds. And then, viola - a nice, nutritious breakfast.
Angelmouse: What about her mum? Surely she must be made breakfast too!
K9: Winged mouse, it's my pleasure to tell you that my mistress poured and made coffee and made a microwavable cereal especially for her mother. She called her an 'absolute angel'. SAVE TO MEMORY: Absolute angel. *Twinkling noise*
Angelmouse: With a thingamajig! Hey, K9, can I take over?
K9: Affirmative. I needed a break anyway.
Angelmouse: We all really have to hand it to my friend for making such a nice breakfast, not just for her health, but for her Mum too. She's been so tired after looking after the old bag, and she was so worried when she started spending time on screens - for 7 years!
*Quilly gasps dramatically*
Angelmouse: But now, she's learning how to do new things, and it's all thanks to two magic words from you know who:
DIGITAL DETOXING!
Quilly: Aren't you forgetting something, Angelmouse?
Angelmouse: Oh, and not to mention everyone else she'd like to give thanks to: her mum, her support workers and also ChatGPT for helping her along the way. Not to mention all of us - her favourite characters - we helped her, didn't we, everyone?
ALL MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!
It Continues: Cooking & Baking
I had a whole night of icing cookies two nights ago, and they were all mushy, but on the day following, my cooking skills got better and better.
Let's start in the morning. First, I learnt how to cook gammon and make salad all by myself. Cooking gammon requires a paper tray which you can put raw, slimy meat on, and then testing it with a special thermometer. I also made myself a cup of herbal fruity tea. The result? The gammon tasted good alright, but the lettuce and tomatoes made me want to vomit. The herbal fruity tea tasted too strong.
To pass the time, I baked a mug cake - which turned out sloppy - and not only did I ice a few biscuits, I also made some cupcakes by myself. They turned out sloppy, but still, they were enjoyable. They might not be entering the Great British Bake Off any time soon.
Now, onto lunch. I cooked Mum some pizza with pepperoni on top, and served it with cheese and onion crisps on the side. I also made Mum a nice mug of herbal fruity tea, which she mostly enjoyed. Me? I had a cheeseburger with Pom Bears on the side. More delicious than sickly veggies or strong fruity tea, I tell you now!
Doing all the cleaning, cooking and baking was tiring work, so I went to my bedroom and had a nice, long nap. When I woke up, it took me a few minutes to recover, because I had slept for like, four hours in a row. To pass the time while waiting for dinner, I did some Sticker Dolly books and my new ice cream wordsearch book.
Then finally, dinner came, and I prepared chicken the same way with a brown paper mat beneath the raw, slimy chicken. Two finest breast cuts, one for me and one for Mum. So, for Mum, I used pepperoni and crisps to make the feet and quills of a porcupine, and for me, I decorated my plate with Pom Bears. Next time, though, I think I'll have mashed potatoes and broccoli with my next serving of chicken. I also served Mum one of my iced cookies and a nice mug of fruity herbal tea - as you do.
Boy, what an exhausting day I've had. All that cooking and cleaning - hectic! As heck. I almost forgot.
Connect The Dots: A New Art Interest
"Hello, everyone, it's me, Fireman Sam. I would like to tell you what my friend has been up to with her support worker about two days ago. What you are about to hear will change the way you view Pontypandy forever - and maybe even my friend's life.
So first off, they ordered three things for her picnic as usual - sausage rolls, chocolate cookies and Coke Zero. But! She didn't want to eat it in the car. Instead, she wanted to eat it outdoors, there's a good lass. And where did she have it? Not at the park, because Norman might play a trick on her. Not near the fire station because Elvis would think he cooked it. But at the burgh in Tain - it's the perfect place to have a picnic, like the places I choose to have a picnic with Sarah, James and Rosa - they're always peaceful.
And when they got home, the support worker taught her how to make cupcakes his way - adding just grains as well as butter, an egg and a few drops of water. The result was that the cakes turned out delicious, and she developed a new talent. But it was the next chapter that really affected how she saw art.
She got out her Bluey Dot Stamping Kit and engaged in a bit of dot stamping with her support worker. At first, he thought it was a bit of colouring in, but to my friend, dot stamping was all about decorating a colouring picture with dots. I call it 'Pointillism'. I knew this multiple times because during the time I was on CBBC, SMart aired too, and one time they showed how to do a pointillism picture. Seen this episode? Rings a bell, you know.
And then, it happened - after her nap, my friend made the most shocking decision in her life: she wanted to ice some chocolate chip cookies all by herself. At first, the results turned out mushy, but some of her cookies looked absolutely wonderful. And when there was a mess on the kitchen counter, she unleashed her inner Penny Morris and cleaned and scrubbed the counter with Mr Muscle. It had a very foul smell, but she put her back right into it.
Oh what a day she had. When I told my friends at the fire service, they were all so flabbergasted they were immediately inspired to do their own pointillism pictures - and Elvis did lots of childish, messy paintings.
To find out more about pointillism, click here to learn its history:
We Interrupt This Programme For An Urgent News Flash!
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Diana Jones, reporting to you live on the ongoing phenomenon that many are calling a digital detox. Yes, just a few weeks ago, the creator of this blog has been doing all the housework, cooking, cleaning and even the breakfast all by herself.
"This force, dubbed, a Digital Detox and inspired by the very first Angelina Ballerina book, has appeared last Saturday as the blog owner did all the hoovering by herself, cracked how to use the air fryer and helped Mum when she forgot her coffee.
"The current known first appearance of her angelic behaviour was reported to have been from her support worker teaching her about how to do a balance between tech and real life and has since affected her life beautifully.
"Yes, many have tuned into this blog since the initial incident only to see no posts added in the last few weeks, because our blog curator was busy doing other things, including remarkable cooking for lunch and dinner.
"When asked about these strange occurrences, major autism charities all over the world have repeatedly told us that too much screen time can make autistic people overstimulated and anxious and are claiming to be relentlessly encouraging other autistic people like you to turn off all their phones and computers as well - except Mum of course, because we know how she feels about Nana.
"One of their reported attempts at understanding what is happening, and attempting to return to a sense of normalcy, was watching how she cooks, cleans, makes her own decisions and gets subsequent new interests. The results concluded that our blog creator is now into lots of different things besides writing. Give her a big hand, please, in the comments!
"Still so much is known about this detox. The only concrete information we have been given is that any chore or place she agrees to go to because of her detox while other people use their phones a lot, to the point where they become overstimulated and anxious.
"Are supernatural forces truly at work? Or are we witnessing the most elaborate publicity stunt in the history of detoxing? We'll keep you updated in real time as we find out."
Saturday, 7 March 2026
Dimly Lit
I am free from overstimulating adverts in a perfect, dimly lit room with pink and yellow soft, warm nightlights, Brains, Alan, Tin Tin with me and softly playing lullabies on Amazon Echo, shaped, coloured and patterned like Nemo and Marlin. We can relax....always.
Light The Night Warmly
AAARGH! Every light around me just seems too bright for my eyes - the phone, telly, computer, bedside lamp, even natural light is too much for my sensitive eyes. If only I had a bunny nightlight like the one Bluey had......
Friday, 6 March 2026
Tuesday, 3 March 2026
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