This little yellow thing called Clip
She's the best at giving your hair a snip
Your hair's a mess, she'll try her best
To make it right in a whip!
She works with my hairdresser Lila
She styles and cuts peoples' hair
I bet if I returned to the hairdresser's,
She'll trim my curly hair!
I always enjoy a good shampoo
Followed by a trim and cut
But if you get Clip to trim your hair
You'll be nervous right down to your butt!
So don't let an experiment cut your hair
Whatever you normally do
Because if anyone's hair needs cutting,
Clip may just choose you!
Just the other day I was outside playing
With Jimmy and his monkey friend Mitch
I'd rather be with Lady Penelope,
But I really can't decide who or which
Are boys and monkeys better than woman
Or is it the other way round?
But I know if we look deep inside us
We find something much more profound
Lady Penelope loves me just as much
As my two friends Jimmy and Mitch
Mike Mercury just loves them too
He loves them deeper than a ditch
But if I love Penelope more,
A true mother she will be
We will spend more time together
Just Lady Penelope and me!
Taylor Swift was everywhere
On the news and on TV
But it’s only natural we have a party
Themed around her vanity!
We put up a sparkly red background
And a flashing light about love
We put up a bracelet sign
Up near the table way above
We display a snack stand named ‘87
And put ball stands in our cupcakes
We even put tiny golden disco balls
Into what we’ve baked
Red and sparkly glitter drinks
Filled with glamour and style
A whole pitcher filled with beer
So the men can get drunk a while
Lay the table, place a red as blood shirt
Underneath the pitcher and flowers
Let’s hope our favourite team wins
If we can stay here for an hour
Tin Tin woke up, it's 3AM
What's keeping her awake just then?
It's her baby daughter crying, what's that smell?
It's a stinky nappy, it's as putrid as hell!
Tin Tin when downstairs to change her
Her tiredness will soon be in danger
Of her 3 year old daughter who asks for some milk
And Tin Tin, normally smooth as silk
Goes to grab her favourite undersea mug
And pours in some milk from a jug
In the living room, Alan sits by himself
Watching a romcom he picked from the shelf
Eating popcorn and drinking Coke,
And thinking, PAH! What a joke
But then his two sons run in
Their eyes wide and sharp as a pin
"Dad, what's this film? Can we watch?"
But up to bed they go, with Alan's strict touch.
In our peaceful temple in the China hills
Lady Penelope had enough of loud thrills
She took my hand and off we went
Out the huge door into a forest of enchantment
The forest was made of wooden bamboo
All green and tall and fresh and new
The wind was blowing swift and free
And we were walking along, just Penelope and me
The grass was tall and definitely long
To the wind’s gentle music it swayed along
But the most incredible sound I heard
Was as gentle and kind as a rare songbird
It was the sound of a wind chime perched way up high
On the balcony of a small house we passed by
Its beauty and grace carried in its tune
As the fireflies sparkled and danced in the moon
At last, we came to a smooth blue lake
Which shined in the moonlight for pity’s sake
Lotus flowers were floating slow as a snake
And a fresh rosy scent was carried on the lake
From the sleeve of her kimono Penelope produced some petals
And I felt them - they were much better than metal
She threw them into the water and they floated down
Causing gentle ripples to widen all around
But then dark storm clouds covered the moon
And all at once, a storm started too soon
Thunder crashed, howling wind and rain
So off we went back home again
When we got home my nose was wet
So Lady Penelope went to get
A herbal capsule to soothe my cold
And some lotus tea to keep me bold
The tea was warm, the outdoor rain wild
To Lady Penelope, I was her child
But now we’re yawning and so we head
Upstairs to our cosy, soft, snuggly bed.
It was a nice snow day in the year '91
When all the kids were outside having fun
I woke up with Pink Teddy by my side
While under the covers Penelope did hide
I walked lazily to the bathroom rubbing my eyes
When Penelope did wake up, it was a surprise
She asked me for a mug of hot cocoa
And I said yes, so what's to know?
And now, look at us: snuggled together
Underneath warm blankets - aaahhh, heaven
We drink our cocoa and watch Children's BBC
On Lady Penelope's small screen TV
Yes, this is the year 1991
And everyone was having fun
Especially Lady Penelope and me
Keeping warm, just my mum and me.
A 3 year old daughter screaming
Two boys taking turns
A lot of noise in this household
What has Tin Tin earned?
So off she sets with her baby
Into the quiet of the night
Where the air is mild and the stars are out
And the atmosphere feels just right
Tin Tin and her baby sit under a tree
And relax together in the empty park
But then like magic fireflies appear
Enchantingly glowing in the dark
The baby tries to catch them,
And Tin Tin puts them in a jar
She says, "I'll always love you
Every day, my little star."
Lady Penelope and me together
We play outside whatever the weather
But on this day it's snowing, hooray!
So together we run outside to play
We sit on a bench, our bottoms warmed by jeans
And talk together about what it means
To be as beautiful and glam as my mum
As we listen to the Winter wind hum
My mum and I have snowball fights
And make snow angels lying in tender white
We build a snowman, which is a bit of a larker
Because, my friends, he looks like Parker!
When Parker came out, he was surprised to see
He said, "That snowman does look a bit like me."
He tried to talk with it, but he just wouldn't respond
He was just as stiff as a frozen pond!
Bob is taking me out today
It’s the aftermath of Storm Eowyn, they say
The storm may be strong, but it’s nearly gone
And off into the car we go for some fun
First we go to the Co-Op in Invergordon
And buy a hot cocoa drink with maple flavouring
It’s just right, so I slurp it all down
This is the taste of everything!
Through a storm we drive to the oil rigs
The waters are choppy, the rain is big
The storm rages on, while Bob groans, “God,
My root canal infection hurts so bad…”
So with no choice but to take me home,
Bob decides not to leave me alone
He drives first to ASDA to get me some lunch
And when I get home, there’s ASDA to munch
And when he gets home, Bob looks through his photos
And sees his children surrounded by cutesy logos
He cries a little and sheds a tear,
For he knows he has nothing to fear
Cut the pool noodle in half
It isn’t red? Now that’s a laugh
Red squirty paint and painty melty cheese
A Bluey soft toy that’s a sure breeze
Spider Man markers, Bingo too
Fruit and vegetable Spider Man juice
A Hot Wheels race car and some M&M’s,
But wait! That’s not how it ends,
Put them together in one big bouquet
Wrap them in red paper, and okay!
You’ve got a lovely Valentine bouquet
Ready to give to your son this Valentine’s Day!
