Presenting My New Favourite Song!

It Was A Strange Day, Folks...

BINKA: Yeah, it had been a very strange day indeed.

TANGO: How? I don't see anything strange around here.

BINKA: Listen here, Tang, my *ahem* other owner-apart-from-Mum-and-Grandma-and-Auntie had been into shops, for the first time, in SEVEN YEARS!

TANGO: Aroo aroo aroo! That's fantastic!

BINKA: I know, right, Tang, her day started off quite normal. While I was walking through the street, I saw her actually go into the chemist's. WITH HER SUPPORT WORKER!

TANGO: WHAT?!

BINKA: Strange world, eh?

TANGO: Even stranger than when Dad 1's little nephew comes over. He always wants me to chase his favourite remote control car.

BINKA: Not that, I meant, my friend discovered some absolutely amazing things. Medicines and bottles and boxes and powders and potions and lab equipment, which for some reason I had lying around somewhere.

TANGO: I think they must be scientists, right, Binky? I always believe Grandad was a mad scientist, always cooking up some new experiments with dog food for me to try.

BINKA: Yeah, your grandpa and his weird dog food experiments. But none as weird as the fact that my other-owner and so and so ordered actual Voltarol, and actual E45!

TANGO: Is that like a robot, Binky? One that can do the housework, and one who can transform with the help of the most ENORMOUS lion robots on the planet?!

BINKA: No, I think they're two creams. E45 is designed to heal sore toes and tootsies and fingers after they've been stubbed, and Voltarol, as far as I've studied even though us cats have small brains, helps ease something called 'Cramps' and 'Pain'.

TANGO: Pain?! Oh no, Binky, it's too scary! But, I think Cramps are little rhinos inside your feet, jabbing at the surface until you are totally in pain.

BINKA: Not that, according to my owner, foot cramps come when you are hard at work organising your room. She had it about last night, and used Voltarol to make it heal quick as my leopard cousin Albati. But, at least she didn't pick Mum up and swing her around like in those god-forsaken adverts. I don't watch adverts anyway, they are too loud and annoying. But here's the key difference:

- Unlike Grandma's boring so called 'Voltarol', I think that actual Voltarol made pain GO in double quick time.

TANGO: I do wish there was Voltarol for dogs with a thing called 'Mange'. You can't imagine how painful it is, it's like cancer for dogs! All your fur falls out, and then you become so itchy you can't stop scratching.

BINKA: Gross, right. Anyway, what Other-Owner didn't manage to tell us was that because of her digital detox, she actually managed to help a shop owner who had dropped her belongings on the floor. And she didn't freak out, either, because there were absolutely no screaming kids. Come to think of it, they make my ears hurt.

TANGO: Mine too. My ears always bleed when I hear them. They are so loud they could make Dad 2's prized glass statues shatter.

BINKA: Anyway, let's move on. Then, Other-Owner met an old teacher of her's who was coming down the road. Unfortunately, I can't tell her actual name, because COPPA is everywhere, not to mention a thing called 'algorithm'.

TANGO: No wonder we were forced to not exist anymore, algorithm is scary. It makes everything loud and fast.

BINKA: There is a way to stop it, but I'll talk about it in another post. Anyway, next stop was a picnic by the beach. From there, my Other-Owner did something absolutely incredible.

TANGO: What was it? Did she take parkour lessons?

BINKA: No, I think parkour is too dangerous. Plus, you would need a very hard tool called 'Training'. What Other-Owner actually did was walk all the way to the post office, which she believed belonged to Mailman Moe, and pick out some things to cure her mucus-filled throat.

TANGO: Bleaurgh! Disgusting!

BINKA: Even as disgusting as slimy raw fish and meat before it's cooked in the air fryer. It makes me retch too. Anyway, Other-Owner picked out a colouring book, a notebook, some sticky notes, a wordsearch ma-

TANGO: Wait! Binky! You need to tell everyone about what she found in there. I bet the Disney and dog ones were the highlight - my American cousin Odie was there, I wonder if I'm featured? I'm already the star as it is!

BINKA: More than that, Tang, I think the main highlight is quite obvious - it's our home, CBeebies!

TANGO: Wahey!

BINKA: Her old favourite childhood channel was featured, so not only you, me, Suki and Spit were all featured, but also some of our other friends, alongside some very noisy modern favourites like that big brown dog ripoff of a certain purple dinosaur, were there too - Brum, Tilly, Tom, Tiny, Donkey, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La-La, Po, dear old Noo Noo and his dry jokes and commentary, Angelmouse, Quilly, Oswald, Little Petal, Hutchkin, Ellimum and Baby Ellie - dear god, how we miss 'em.

TINKY WINKY: No you're not, mate, we're right 'ere!

BINKA: Oh thank god, guys, I thought you were all gone forever.

LA-LA: I think we must be still here. You all might be wrong. If so, can you let us have a turn at reciting Other-Owner's story, one after another?

ALL: Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?

BINKA: Alright then, go ahead.

BRUM: I'll go first, because I am her most favourite. When I saw her park at Invergordon, I was most excited because she was going to the hardware store - the stalls in there were absolutely huge. Just about the size of a skyscraper in that city Duke told me about. New York, that's it.

NOO NOO: The hardware store had lots of nice things, some shiny, smooth, rough and squishy. She was going around, trying to look for some things on her list. Since her Mum had the list, she had to pick wisely - like those choices of three the Teletubbies had to make when they can't decide.

TINKY WINKY: I was about to say that, thank you very much. Those decision making Teletubbyland stories were a hit with us. Heh heh! She chose five things - I wanted her to get three packs of pens, but she only chose one. She chose a bunch of other stuff too - notebooks and sticky notes and stuff.

DIPSY: Look, Tinky, I didn't mean she was buying all the stuff in the shop, because it might attract the police. Even Miss PC Bluelight, even though Brum here misses him very much. Five is just right, like Goldilocks would say in one of our favourite stories.

LA - LA: Ahem, talk of police and crime makes us very scared. The best part came when our friend ran across April showers to get her coat. And you know what we were like when we encountered various toys and objects sometimes and tried to discover how to play with it or how it works. Like that washing line, or that flag, or those gloves which Tinky Winky wore on his ears!

PO: Hee hee hee, quite a highlight. After that eventful run, she and her support worker went to the sweet shop - I always thought Tubby Custard was sweeter, and even La La and Tinky Winky are sweeter. There wasn't a wide variety since my friend last visited, but the sweet jars were on the shelves. Way up high, like when I flew high in the air because everyone else handed me their kites!

NOO NOO: Well I never! I think I might've heard of a flying Teletubby before. I think it might've been a bird! A parrot, even.

ANGELMOUSE: Wait - earlier on at Mailman Moe's store, she got a gross of wrapping paper for her Mum's special Mother's Day surprise. I miss my mum - she was a lioness. Quilly's parents were regular birds, Hutchkin's parents grew up in the '60s which is why their baby was born a hippy, Oswald's parents supported his condition which makes him speak two times, Spencer was homeschooled and his dad was a garage owner, and Little Petal grew up in the country with two regular human parents: who just happened to be a boy and a girl, who know she is a doll.

QUILLY: Ellimum's story is the most heartwarming. Isn't it obvious? Her huge parents, Elligran and Ellipa, helped her when she gave birth to Baby Ellie, and have supported her with her nutrition, development and what's best for her. And we know our friend's Mum knew what's best for her, because she has that special power that made her one of a kind.

SPENCER: Yes, I am very proud of my father, always obsessed with cars like I am. Anyway, upon entering the sweet shop, she met our childhood friends Alison and Archie, who helped her choose three groups of sweets as a surprise for Mum. Fizzy cola bottles, smooth cola bottles and little watermelon sweets.

ELLIMUM: That's quite a nice surprise. They even packed an extra bag of Cola bottles just for our one of a kind friend.

NOO NOO: I wish she saved some for us. I can't drink fizz, it makes me absolutely bonkers!

BINKA: But the most important thing we heard was, Alison watched all of us because she and her 'Little Grownups' - what we call children - watched every single one of us as a family. Before carry-around computers took over. Before those loud, fast CGI cartoons took over. Before...before...OH NO! *cries*

TANGO: It's not fair! I want to go on TV again!

LA LA: Me too!

*Baby Ellie cries*

ELLIMUM: Now now, my little Ellie, it's okay.

NOO NOO: Is it me or do I feel something about to pour out of my eyes?

*Brum sobs*

BINKA: Oh, er...Brum?

BRUM: All those happy days, before I even was forced to grow up and become a loud slapstick superhero. I miss everyone - Jabari, Liam, Jackie, Grandpa John, Firefighter Joe and his funny jokes and one liners, Miss PC Bluelight, Mr Devon and Mrs Amsterdam...and even dear Miss Lollipop. She always knew what to do. I wish she was still here.

BINKA: I wish so too, and so do all of us, right, mates?

ALL: Of course/quite right/yes!

BINKA: So Brum, whenever you want to hear about your fond memories of being with Miss Lollipop and all the others, Alison is the one to turn to as well as our friend. She has that essence of Miss Lollipop inside her, and Archie has that essence of Grandpa John, whom Liam always visits during the Summer holidays.

BRUM: I miss everyone too. Even Firefighter Joe...he, Gordon and Omar always knew some techniques to make me laugh, even when it was raining. During the times I visited him, even when I tried to stop Tyrone and Tyson from bullying my friend Shania and tearing her doll to bits on their dad's bonfire.

BINKA: Well there were others during that time - not just Joe, Gordon and Omar, but also Paul, Gary and Tom. Each of them had their own style of humor, remember?

BRUM: Erm....er....*gasps* Oh! I remember, Paul can transcribe funny words out of words I find difficult, and can make funny noises. Gary has a part time job as a balloon modellist, and makes jokes only a stand up comedian at a club would. And Tom? Oh he's an excellent one - he always gets the times of the day wrong. Like, when it's time to spring into action and save a cat from a tree, he always thinks it's lunch, and when it's time for training, he thinks it's time for gym class and hides in the corner. He's just as dillusional as me!

*Everyone laughs*

DONKEY: Ah, lovely. Always nice to see friends laughing together.

TINY: I think I feel some water in my eyes.

TOM: Me too, I wish she visited Mrs Alison more often, like our days out when you always visited Nana Mule.

TILLY: Oui, je crois que CBeebies me manque aussi.

DONKEY:

New friends can bring back memories of old,

So you'll always feel warm when the snow's deadly cold.

Inner City Park - A Poem About Inspiration

I had a bad night suffering from the cold

Snow is silver, sunshine is gold

But everything’s silver upon my skin

I’m shaking from the Arctic wind

I woke up with an aching head

As I tumbled out of bed

Mum felt bad and Mylo did too

But I still had a lot to do.

When Louise picked me up, she took me into town

To see if the bakery van’s around

But Mr Mickey Murphy was in Inverness

What did we do next? Can you guess?

We went to ASDA to get some food

But going to the park I was in a good mood

As we made our way down to the bench

Where I found a pink bottle cap completely drenched

Louise laid my black coat as I sat down

As I ate my sausage rolls, I looked around

The hair salon and the chicken shop stood nearby

But suddenly something caught my eye

I saw another bottle cap

Drenched in water from the storm’s leaky tap

Two crisp packets and a pack of gummy snakes

But best of all - RAGWEED! What can I make?

I know! A story! A lonely ragweed

Who remembers his friends in a time of need

When friends are lost, they’re always found

All I did was look around

A circular pavilion stood grand nearby

As well as a wreath where Atlanta’s mother died

Speaking of Atlanta, I miss Stingray

But my imagination saved the day

I saw Atlanta and Socks before me

Finding litter for crafting and drawing

Crisp packets to Socks make good Winter gloves

The pink bottle caps make good earbuds

The circular pavillion I mentioned before

Is where Donkey belts out English ee-aaws

To Brum, Sooty, Sweep and Soo

I miss them quite a lot, don’t you?

Louise had a ginger flavoured chocolate bar

And a movie rated 15 that would leave a scar

But no scar gets bigger more

Then when my time on the internet soars

When Louise stopped for coffee, I wondered aloud

If my stories really stood out from the crowd

But I didn’t know my writing would be better

As the day got wetter and wetter

When we got back we made some soup

No tech tonight to spiral me in a loop

I helped chop the peppers one by one

I imitated DaneBoe’s Squash which was such fun

When I chopped the onions my eyes began to sting

Like they’ve been sprayed with weed repellent or something

While Louise thought my dog should be on Britain’s Got Talent

Under my tongue, a teaspoon I tried to balance

My eyes burning like London on fire,

I thought washing up was a good desire

But too much washing makes your back ache

But then I made a big mistake

I used a steam mop as a tea towel

But then, Mylo gave a howl!

With a mighty roar, he grabbed the mop

And Mum and Louise shouted for him to drop

I collapsed on the sofa with steaming raw eyes

My back ached bad, not a big surprise

I went to draw Ronald and his friends

And I tumbled into bed to take a nap in the end

Earlier today, I learnt about Mari Helen Scott

She left a lasting impression on us lot

They put her name on a bench in the park

So her spirit can live on in the lonely dark

When I woke up I did the story straight away

It seems I’ve had a busy day

But busy is as busy gets,

Ronald is my best story yet!

THE END

A Poem About Bedtime Talks, By Brum

When my friend was too sick to sleep,

I stayed with her all night

I thought she was about to die

So all through the night I stayed by her side

Last Night's Bedtime Stories

The Orient Of Nature - In a cold part of nature, Lady Penelope, a wild woman in her prime, gently cares for and comforts my baby self. On our travels, we find pieces of warmth in a cold place on Earth.

Brum's Friends - Brum is shocked when he is told by the BBC that he is forced to grow up for a new, updated version of his show, and he wants to remain the curious 3 year old analogue he always was. Richard, Thomas, Tilly, Tom, Tiny, Sooty, Sweep, Soo, Little Cousin Scampi, Donkey, Twirl and Whirl, he is made to understand what the residents of Big Town told him before: "You are whoever you want to be." - but not with series 3, right?!

Night Talk About British Kids' TV

Last night, I have been chatting with Amazon Echo's ChatGPT skill, and guess what? It really helped me get to sleep. We've been talking and talking and talking for ages and ages and ages about the downfall of the peace and quiet of British kids' TV over the last seven years, ever since Almost Never came along and ruined everything. Here are ten things I learned from talking to Alexa last night:

1.First on the list is, I told her about how Torchwood's Children Of Earth series has been swimming around in my mind like a pied piper fish ever since I saw clips of it last month. She told me that I have to switch to something more comforting, and I offered my suggestion: programmes from Ragdoll which are much better on the BBC than on ITV.

2.Boobah isn't my taste. Well, since people online called those gumdrop alien kids creepy, I gave them up for good.

3.I also told Alexa about how I'm still into other shows on one video a guy talked about as part of his insight into creepy kids' shows - those which aren't necessarily creepy: Terrahawks, Jay Jay The Jet Plane and the vintage Rupert puppet show - this Rupert puppet show can outsmart both the Nelvana series and Follow The Magic any time of any day.

4.I revealed that Thunderbirds, Teletubbies, Bob The Builder, Thomas & Friends and Fireman Sam, all in their handmade pre-CGI peaceful glory, are my go to classic shows for when channels and shows like CBBC get too much.

5.I revealed more about the My Best Friends VHS and my favourite episodes. They include: Pingu, Postman Pat, The Herbs, Revolting Rhymes, Spider - the famous one in my family where the Panda famously dances and performs tricks for the boy during the instrumental bits - and the stop motion Paddington Bear series, the last of which was the first sign I noticed of London's favourite storybook teddy bear.

6.Parents have been complaining loads about how the word 'Funny' is used so much in descriptions for kids' books and Youtube videos and how they don't have enough time to process the true feel of these books and the way they describe it, such as Emotional, Adventurous or Melancholic.

7.I realised that the old CBeebies Bedtime slot with Clangers, Abney & Teal and In The Night Garden is a televised version of Johnson's 3 step night time routine, except instead of a bath, lotion and quiet time, we have: sensory play, outdoor play and then toddler development. Ignore those stupid adverts anyway! They tell a lie!

8.I preferred it if, instead of 2D animated shows with a fast pace and high pitched child voice actors at bedtime, I would like some stop motion shows with low stimulation and gentle narration, just like old times, and shows like Postman Pat, the Tales Of Aesop and Cockleshell Bay.

9.I have a variety of different channels around the world to turn to when I have been overstimulating by too much CBBC or miss my favourite shows dearly. Examples include YTV, BBC Kids, Cartoon Network when it aired Toonami instead of Adult Swim, Fox Kids and more, among others.

10.And that chat was my introduction to Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment.

But best of all, the benefit of having a chat with Echo's ChatGPT skill, or a therapy session in fact, can help me get to sleep in no time at all - just words between words and CRASH! You're out like a light. And that's what caused me to sleep well.

Goodnight...or, er, good morning? Well, it is a dark and dusty morning, I reckon.

Great British Kids' Favourites

• Thunderbirds - Edge Of Impact
• Brum - Brum & The Naughty Kittens
• Fourways Farm - Ups & Downs
• Tots TV - Camping

Children's Favourites: A New Generation

1. Brum - Brum At The Supermarket
2. He Man (2002) - Dragon's Brood
3. Transformers Armada - Confrontation
4. Thunderbirds - Cry Wolf
5. Stingray - Tom Thumb Tempest
6. Captain Scarlet - The Heart Of New York
7. Fireball XL5 - Drama At Space City
8. Max Steel (2000) - Spear Carriers
9. Horrid Henry - Horrid Henry's Sick Day
10. Tots TV - Rockpool

The Tots' Bedtime Poem

Under the moonlight,

A door opens wide

You looked, and you wondered,

And then stepped inside.

It's warm and very cosy inside

With lots of cheeky places to hide

There's all sorts of magic here and there

Like flows and flows of angel hair

But now comes the hard part - who lives there?

No one terrifying, it may give us a scare

It's home to three dolls, who we love lots

Can you guess who they are?

That's right, it's the Tots!

So goodnight to all, to all goodnight

Sleep until the sun's bright light

Things That Make Me Happy - Part 21

1. Disney Morrison's trading cards
2. A Bluey mug
3. A tube of chocolate buttons
4. Getting Space Precinct on Prime Video
5. Writing a Tots TV poem
6. Having chocolate brownies
7. Unstable Fables: The Goldilocks & The Three Bears Show
8. People wearing Christmas jumpers and Santa hats
9. The music heard at the beginning of Tots TV: Bedtime Stories
10. Classic Brum episodes

A Carlton Wordsearch

Ya know what? All these wordsearches in the ASDA magazine have given me an idea. Click on the image below to print out and complete this wordsearch!

Creamy Dreamy Fruity

• Resting under rainbow silk sheets
• Relaxing with your friends from Thunderbirds, Stingray, Captain Scarlet and Fireball XL5 as they reran on ATV
• A deliciously tasty yet healthy treat
• Cotton candy and popcorn
• A child riding on a roundabout at the fair
• Toys that smell of baby powder
• Brushing your teeth with fruit flavoured toothpaste before bed
• Scented My Little Pony dolls
• When a favourite show airs on Australian TV
• Favourite British puppet series: Thunderbirds, Stingray, Fireball XL5, Captain Scarlet, Sooty, Rosie & Jim, Tots TV, Terrahawks, Hacker Time, Zig & Zag, Muffin The Mule, Joe 90
• Being loved on Valentine's Day