Tuesday, 26 December 2023

Aardman's Darkside - The Pain Of Screen Cut Speed

Hi, Rex The Runt here to talk with you about something that parents are complaining about these days since Cocomelon first appeared on the internet - screen cut speed. You can use this Aardman DVD for a better understanding of how screen cut speed usually works, and through the animations you'd expect to find on this DVD, I'd guarantee that what you're about to read may change your perspective on how you view Moonbug's animations, OR your perspective on my arch-enemy Angry Kid may change depending on how you read this article.

Now, my show, A Town Called Panic and Big Jeff all have fast scene changes since all these shows were meant to have what they call a fast-paced tone. For my show, the scenes change every 10 seconds, not giving you any time to think about doing your homework or writing on your business papers or other stuff like that. No matter how many times you try to count on your fingers how many times the scenes change, there's just no doing the math, you see. A Town Called Panic comes from France and is made with toy animals injected with fuel rods, so its crude animation style and fast pace makes for plenty of fast scene changes, since its fast-paced tone was well agreed for airing on Nickelodeon since it was meant for kids and not for grown ups. Big Jeff may be sort of erotic with its full frontal nudity and bright hues of colour, but I assure you, there's lots of fast cuts in this one, because the episodes are really short. These days they're calling it, 'attention span'. Really? Is THIS why all adverts are fast moving these days?

Now, Angry Kid can make you concentrate, but some scenes can catch you off guard. Some of the shorts on the DVD are all shot in one continuous take. To get the attention further, these one-shot shorts show A.K sitting in the car or in the living room showing his sister magic or talking with his dad while on a car journey. There's no point in Aardman doing stuff which shows one continuous take, I mean, come on, how have Aardman been doing such things in the past?

Aardman really needs to learn what screen cut speed is. They've learnt from Darren Walsh when he commissioned his Angry Kid series to the company, because some of his shorts are all shot in one continuous take, like I said earlier. Rex The Runt is harmless, on one point, but I'd shove the other three shows and the shorts aside.

Rex The Runt rules, OK? Okay!

This just proves why Aardman's Darkside is too overstimulating for grownups. If you want to find out more about overstimulating TV, read this Reddit article and you'll know what I mean.

Lil' Biscuit

Orko was fast asleep in bed. He was having a nice, cosy nap after a long day of playing outside with his friends. He was having another dream. In this one, he was asleep on the soft, white fur of a giant bunny rabbit, which was of course fast asleep too.


Outside his dream, his toddler sister Furaha entered the room and leapt up onto the bed after a few struggling toddler-ish tries. She tried to settle onto the bed, cat-like, but found she was most uncomfortable. She stretched her paws out and began kneading the soft surface of the duvet, as most cats would do. Her claws were long and sharp and pointy, and they could dig into any comfy surface, especially duvets.


When Orko woke up, he was totally surprised to see Furaha kneading on the bed. He crawled over on all fours to see what was going on. “Hello, Furaha,” he said with a yawn, and then he was awed at what he saw. “Aaaaawww…Furaha. You’re making biscuits.” Furaha giggled at what Orko mentioned, then once she finished, Orko said, “What a lovely lot of biscuits you’ve got there. Did you make them yourself?” The young toddler cub nodded, even though they were just imaginary biscuits. “Let me see: 1, 2, 3, 4 biscuits! They’re about as big as dinner plates! Can I try them?” Furaha nodded again. “Okay, okay, let me try the first one.”


Orko pretended to eat the first imaginary biscuit. “Mmmmmmmm, this is so delicious. What’s the flavour?” “Coco-late!” babbled Furaha. “Oh, you’ve put in chocolate. You know, chocolate is my favourite flavour for a biscuit, especially when it has creamy filling. Ooh, wait, I can feel the creamy filling now! Mmmmm…ooh, so delicious.” Then Orko pretended to scarf it al down as toddler Furaha laughed in her cheeky way.


“Okay, okay, now let me try biscuit number 2.” Orko pretended to eat the second biscuit. “This one’s different. What’s the flavour?” “Milla,” babbled Furaha. “Vanilla, eh? And you thought shortbread was boring,” chomped Orko, pretending to eat the vanilla biscuit. “Mmmm, mmm, so delicious.” Next, he tried the third biscuit. “Wow, what tangy flavour!” he said. “Is this orange or-” “Baw-bewwy!” shouted Furaha, clapping her paws. “Yes,” corrected Orko, “Nothing can beat a strawberry biscuit. I see you’ve made it with the finest ingredients on the planet. Well, that settles it. While I’m here, I think I’ll have a cup of tea. No, wait, a strawberry milkshake!” Orko took out a pretend glass of frothy strawberry milkshake and shlurped it all down.


Furaha couldn’t help laughing. It was fun having a brother that turns any situation into a game. Finally, Orko tried the fourth biscuit. “Mmmmm, this flavour’s different. What have you made it with?” “Raberry!” smiled Furaha. “Raspberry. Ooh, that’s my favourite! I see you’re going to make more biscuits….or, can you teach me to knead?”


So that’s what Furaha did. She taught Orko how to knead the bed, even though she couldn’t speak yet. Orko tried and tried, but kept slipping and falling flat on his shadowed face. When he did try, he kneaded slowly…and then a little faster…and then really fast indeed!


“Gotcha!” Furaha screamed with laughter as Orko began tickling her soft, fluffy tummy. “Ooh, you’re so ticklish. Your tummy knows it!” Furaha then proceeded to tickle Orko back, and he cackled so much he fell over. The two then began to chase each other around the bedroom, and when Furaha leapt up onto the bed again, Orko grabbed her and began to gently knead on her tummy, causing her to scream in delight. “Now you’re a big lion-shaped biscuit too, Furaha. Do you mind if I eat you?” “NAAAAAAAAA!!” screamed Furaha, but Orko didn’t care. He pretended to eat Furaha, as if a parent were eating a toddler’s legs as if it were string beans or corn on the cob.


At that point, Ua came in and asked “What’s all the noise?” At once, the commotion stopped and Furaha began yawning. “Er…nothing,” said Orko, “I was just playing with Furaha.” “Well, you two keep the noise down then. Kiburi and I are having a quiet moment in the living room, and it’s time for Furaha’s nap anyway, so settle down, you two.” “I will, Ua!” said Orko as Ua exited the room.


Furaha yawned, and soon it caught onto Orko. “Let’s both rest. I think we’ve had enough of biscuit making for one day. Maybe the next day, when it’s sunny, we can go out onto the beach and do it.” So Orko settled back into bed, and Furaha snuggled into his chest as she shuffled under the duvet, and from this moment until dinner, the two were fast asleep, dreaming of sleeping on the soft, white fur of that huge, giant bunny rabbit together.

Too Many In Bed

Oh my god! There's too many in my bed! Settling down to sleep on a cold Winter's night, I discover Furaha and Orko want a bed for the night, so they creep in with me. But then many others respond to my call of sleep - Ginger Snap, Snarf, Rex The Runt, Wendy, Bad Bob and Vince! But too much proves to be a tiring night for me, and I ask Orko to make the bed a bit bigger for us all.

Dinner Time....

...and this is the video that always makes me hungry at dinner time!

Butch & The Flying Piggies

The day after getting two squeaky chickens and a pig for Christmas, Butch the Golden Retriever falls asleep and drifts into a dream. He finds himself on a wacky, colourful farm where pigs fly and chickens walk like toddlers.

14,000 Things For Furaha & Orko To Do

What would YOU like Furaha and Orko to do in your stories?

Once Upon A ZZZZZZ (My Version)

My version of Maddie Frost's hilarious book, which sees my friend Sarah take over writing duties when I fall asleep during a day I was supposed to go out.

14,000 Things To Be Happy About (My Version)

My own version of Barbara Ann Kipfer's book.

Lil' Biscuit

When toddler Furaha kneads The duvet during Orko's nap, he realises Furaha's 'making biscuits' and pretends to eat what she's 'made'. He then tickles her and tries kneading himself, resulting in pretending to eat Furaha like a biscuit.

Sunlight

Furaha and Orko play in a sunlit valley, where they hide from each other and gaze at their reflections in the smooth water of the pond.

Sybil's Tales: Ski Lift Ambience

Sit back, relax and watch as the ski lift takes your favourite characters along.

Dawn Through Your Eyes

Furaha, Orko and Optimus Prime live in a beautiful forest by themselves, living peacefully in nature.

Holiday Videos

Toonami's March-April 2003 Lineup
Comfy white sheets
Danimals yogurt
Cream the Rabbit being on Santa's good list.
Orko seeing toddler Furaha 'making biscuits' on the duvet and pretending to eat them.