BINKA: Yeah, it had been a very strange day indeed.
TANGO: How? I don't see anything strange around here.
BINKA: Listen here, Tang, my *ahem* other owner-apart-from-Mum-and-Grandma-and-Auntie had been into shops, for the first time, in SEVEN YEARS!
TANGO: Aroo aroo aroo! That's fantastic!
BINKA: I know, right, Tang, her day started off quite normal. While I was walking through the street, I saw her actually go into the chemist's. WITH HER SUPPORT WORKER!
TANGO: WHAT?!
BINKA: Strange world, eh?
TANGO: Even stranger than when Dad 1's little nephew comes over. He always wants me to chase his favourite remote control car.
BINKA: Not that, I meant, my friend discovered some absolutely amazing things. Medicines and bottles and boxes and powders and potions and lab equipment, which for some reason I had lying around somewhere.
TANGO: I think they must be scientists, right, Binky? I always believe Grandad was a mad scientist, always cooking up some new experiments with dog food for me to try.
BINKA: Yeah, your grandpa and his weird dog food experiments. But none as weird as the fact that my other-owner and so and so ordered actual Voltarol, and actual E45!
TANGO: Is that like a robot, Binky? One that can do the housework, and one who can transform with the help of the most ENORMOUS lion robots on the planet?!
BINKA: No, I think they're two creams. E45 is designed to heal sore toes and tootsies and fingers after they've been stubbed, and Voltarol, as far as I've studied even though us cats have small brains, helps ease something called 'Cramps' and 'Pain'.
TANGO: Pain?! Oh no, Binky, it's too scary! But, I think Cramps are little rhinos inside your feet, jabbing at the surface until you are totally in pain.
BINKA: Not that, according to my owner, foot cramps come when you are hard at work organising your room. She had it about last night, and used Voltarol to make it heal quick as my leopard cousin Albati. But, at least she didn't pick Mum up and swing her around like in those god-forsaken adverts. I don't watch adverts anyway, they are too loud and annoying. But here's the key difference:
- Unlike Grandma's boring so called 'Voltarol', I think that actual Voltarol made pain GO in double quick time.
TANGO: I do wish there was Voltarol for dogs with a thing called 'Mange'. You can't imagine how painful it is, it's like cancer for dogs! All your fur falls out, and then you become so itchy you can't stop scratching.
BINKA: Gross, right. Anyway, what Other-Owner didn't manage to tell us was that because of her digital detox, she actually managed to help a shop owner who had dropped her belongings on the floor. And she didn't freak out, either, because there were absolutely no screaming kids. Come to think of it, they make my ears hurt.
TANGO: Mine too. My ears always bleed when I hear them. They are so loud they could make Dad 2's prized glass statues shatter.
BINKA: Anyway, let's move on. Then, Other-Owner met an old teacher of her's who was coming down the road. Unfortunately, I can't tell her actual name, because COPPA is everywhere, not to mention a thing called 'algorithm'.
TANGO: No wonder we were forced to not exist anymore, algorithm is scary. It makes everything loud and fast.
BINKA: There is a way to stop it, but I'll talk about it in another post. Anyway, next stop was a picnic by the beach. From there, my Other-Owner did something absolutely incredible.
TANGO: What was it? Did she take parkour lessons?
BINKA: No, I think parkour is too dangerous. Plus, you would need a very hard tool called 'Training'. What Other-Owner actually did was walk all the way to the post office, which she believed belonged to Mailman Moe, and pick out some things to cure her mucus-filled throat.
TANGO: Bleaurgh! Disgusting!
BINKA: Even as disgusting as slimy raw fish and meat before it's cooked in the air fryer. It makes me retch too. Anyway, Other-Owner picked out a colouring book, a notebook, some sticky notes, a wordsearch ma-
TANGO: Wait! Binky! You need to tell everyone about what she found in there. I bet the Disney and dog ones were the highlight - my American cousin Odie was there, I wonder if I'm featured? I'm already the star as it is!
BINKA: More than that, Tang, I think the main highlight is quite obvious - it's our home, CBeebies!
TANGO: Wahey!
BINKA: Her old favourite childhood channel was featured, so not only you, me, Suki and Spit were all featured, but also some of our other friends, alongside some very noisy modern favourites like that big brown dog ripoff of a certain purple dinosaur, were there too - Brum, Tilly, Tom, Tiny, Donkey, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La-La, Po, dear old Noo Noo and his dry jokes and commentary, Angelmouse, Quilly, Oswald, Little Petal, Hutchkin, Ellimum and Baby Ellie - dear god, how we miss 'em.
TINKY WINKY: No you're not, mate, we're right 'ere!
BINKA: Oh thank god, guys, I thought you were all gone forever.
LA-LA: I think we must be still here. You all might be wrong. If so, can you let us have a turn at reciting Other-Owner's story, one after another?
ALL: Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
BINKA: Alright then, go ahead.
BRUM: I'll go first, because I am her most favourite. When I saw her park at Invergordon, I was most excited because she was going to the hardware store - the stalls in there were absolutely huge. Just about the size of a skyscraper in that city Duke told me about. New York, that's it.
NOO NOO: The hardware store had lots of nice things, some shiny, smooth, rough and squishy. She was going around, trying to look for some things on her list. Since her Mum had the list, she had to pick wisely - like those choices of three the Teletubbies had to make when they can't decide.
TINKY WINKY: I was about to say that, thank you very much. Those decision making Teletubbyland stories were a hit with us. Heh heh! She chose five things - I wanted her to get three packs of pens, but she only chose one. She chose a bunch of other stuff too - notebooks and sticky notes and stuff.
DIPSY: Look, Tinky, I didn't mean she was buying all the stuff in the shop, because it might attract the police. Even Miss PC Bluelight, even though Brum here misses him very much. Five is just right, like Goldilocks would say in one of our favourite stories.
LA - LA: Ahem, talk of police and crime makes us very scared. The best part came when our friend ran across April showers to get her coat. And you know what we were like when we encountered various toys and objects sometimes and tried to discover how to play with it or how it works. Like that washing line, or that flag, or those gloves which Tinky Winky wore on his ears!
PO: Hee hee hee, quite a highlight. After that eventful run, she and her support worker went to the sweet shop - I always thought Tubby Custard was sweeter, and even La La and Tinky Winky are sweeter. There wasn't a wide variety since my friend last visited, but the sweet jars were on the shelves. Way up high, like when I flew high in the air because everyone else handed me their kites!
NOO NOO: Well I never! I think I might've heard of a flying Teletubby before. I think it might've been a bird! A parrot, even.
ANGELMOUSE: Wait - earlier on at Mailman Moe's store, she got a gross of wrapping paper for her Mum's special Mother's Day surprise. I miss my mum - she was a lioness. Quilly's parents were regular birds, Hutchkin's parents grew up in the '60s which is why their baby was born a hippy, Oswald's parents supported his condition which makes him speak two times, Spencer was homeschooled and his dad was a garage owner, and Little Petal grew up in the country with two regular human parents: who just happened to be a boy and a girl, who know she is a doll.
QUILLY: Ellimum's story is the most heartwarming. Isn't it obvious? Her huge parents, Elligran and Ellipa, helped her when she gave birth to Baby Ellie, and have supported her with her nutrition, development and what's best for her. And we know our friend's Mum knew what's best for her, because she has that special power that made her one of a kind.
SPENCER: Yes, I am very proud of my father, always obsessed with cars like I am. Anyway, upon entering the sweet shop, she met our childhood friends Alison and Archie, who helped her choose three groups of sweets as a surprise for Mum. Fizzy cola bottles, smooth cola bottles and little watermelon sweets.
ELLIMUM: That's quite a nice surprise. They even packed an extra bag of Cola bottles just for our one of a kind friend.
NOO NOO: I wish she saved some for us. I can't drink fizz, it makes me absolutely bonkers!
BINKA: But the most important thing we heard was, Alison watched all of us because she and her 'Little Grownups' - what we call children - watched every single one of us as a family. Before carry-around computers took over. Before those loud, fast CGI cartoons took over. Before...before...OH NO! *cries*
TANGO: It's not fair! I want to go on TV again!
LA LA: Me too!
*Baby Ellie cries*
ELLIMUM: Now now, my little Ellie, it's okay.
NOO NOO: Is it me or do I feel something about to pour out of my eyes?
*Brum sobs*
BINKA: Oh, er...Brum?
BRUM: All those happy days, before I even was forced to grow up and become a loud slapstick superhero. I miss everyone - Jabari, Liam, Jackie, Grandpa John, Firefighter Joe and his funny jokes and one liners, Miss PC Bluelight, Mr Devon and Mrs Amsterdam...and even dear Miss Lollipop. She always knew what to do. I wish she was still here.
BINKA: I wish so too, and so do all of us, right, mates?
ALL: Of course/quite right/yes!
BINKA: So Brum, whenever you want to hear about your fond memories of being with Miss Lollipop and all the others, Alison is the one to turn to as well as our friend. She has that essence of Miss Lollipop inside her, and Archie has that essence of Grandpa John, whom Liam always visits during the Summer holidays.
BRUM: I miss everyone too. Even Firefighter Joe...he, Gordon and Omar always knew some techniques to make me laugh, even when it was raining. During the times I visited him, even when I tried to stop Tyrone and Tyson from bullying my friend Shania and tearing her doll to bits on their dad's bonfire.
BINKA: Well there were others during that time - not just Joe, Gordon and Omar, but also Paul, Gary and Tom. Each of them had their own style of humor, remember?
BRUM: Erm....er....*gasps* Oh! I remember, Paul can transcribe funny words out of words I find difficult, and can make funny noises. Gary has a part time job as a balloon modellist, and makes jokes only a stand up comedian at a club would. And Tom? Oh he's an excellent one - he always gets the times of the day wrong. Like, when it's time to spring into action and save a cat from a tree, he always thinks it's lunch, and when it's time for training, he thinks it's time for gym class and hides in the corner. He's just as dillusional as me!
*Everyone laughs*
DONKEY: Ah, lovely. Always nice to see friends laughing together.
TINY: I think I feel some water in my eyes.
TOM: Me too, I wish she visited Mrs Alison more often, like our days out when you always visited Nana Mule.
TILLY: Oui, je crois que CBeebies me manque aussi.
DONKEY:
New friends can bring back memories of old,
So you'll always feel warm when the snow's deadly cold.
