I collapsed on my bed and sighed loudly. What an unusual Summer it had been - this whole incident with the road show had been enough to rattle some balls in your brain. Everything happened so quickly, you finished the last book in a about 11 chapters. If you don’t know what happened, I think I should start recapping from there.
Ready?
I hope you are.
“POO PANTS!”
Oh, that’s Tomato from downstairs. She’s telling me to go.
Anyway, in the last two times you met me and my family, our lives changed in a couple of chapters and two books or so. First off, Dad set up a farm with some chickens and a hungry goat named Rubbish, and then since we started off small, we became bigger with every opportunity we got. And who should we thank?
Guess.
Cheese and Tomato, my little baby brother and sister. Okay, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: my baby brother Cheese has got the most famous bottom in the country - or at least, that’s what my Dad says. You know that advert on telly for Dumper’s disposable nappies? And you know that little baby you see crawling across the floor in the advert, wiggling his bare bum?
That’s Cheese, my little brother.
Since then, our house has been referencing poo and bottoms like it is our occupation. Then, came the roadshow problem. You see, Mr Dumper, the head of Dumper’s Disposable Nappies, took Cheese on a nationwide tour across the country as part of an advertising campaign.
But then, my family got kidnapped by giant babies, and Granny, Lancelot, Rubbish and I saved everyone. It didn’t make much of a difference though, but it did to Mr Dumper - he stopped producing disposable panties and instead started making colourful environmentally friendly nappies. What’s even more humiliating was that he got Tomato as the face of Rainbow Dumpers, and made Dad his new employee.
Mind you I’d hate to think what it’s like working for Mr Dumper. I believed that all the employees would drool on the table and throw tantrums like aggressive hard sell politicians. They would drink from milk bottles and have dummies stuck in their mouths. And…I can’t imagine the times all their nappies had to be changed. Can you imagine the horrible whiff of poo floating through the air while Mr Dumper had to change them all?
YEEEUCK!
I was glad, eventually, that I was home after all this time. In fact, my bedroom was my home away from home. Here I could sit and think when Dad, Cheese or Tomato were too much for me. I could also think of my own ideas secretly for Dad to use in his job at Dumper’s.
But with all that thinking, there is a sense of tiredness. My eyes got as heavy as a strongman working for a building company. Then, I let out a big, huge yawn, and settled onto my bed, still stained with Rubbish’s tongue slop, and some of Cheese and Tomato’s poo stains.
And from the moment I closed my eyes, I heard what sounded like:
“Ga ga ga goo goo goo.”
The next thing I remember, all I could hear was me going:
“Where am I?”
I woke up to find myself sitting at a table wearing a pink T shirt with ‘These nappies give me terrible wind’ written on them. When I looked down, I was glad because I was wearing my PE shorts. But I was still wearing my Terrahawks slippers, and someone had bashed a wet, sloppy milk bottle on my head.
Uh oh, I don’t need to tell you -
Well, actually, I do.
I was a new employee for David Dumper!
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