A T T Retro Review: Rocko's Modern Life: The Complete Series

Despite it being rated 12, Rocko is one of the best cartoon series ever released by Nick on DVD these days. Much better than Spongebob!

And I rank this show 10 out of 10 Pasture Puffies.

The Second Coming, Explained (The Balamory Invasion)

ROCKO: G'day mates, I'm Rocko, and I'm going to tell you about the new season of Balamory. Balamory is the true beginning of the end of CBeebies. It starts with all of CBeebies' old characters being thrown in prizz!

BRUM: What about the sinners that are left behind?

ROCKO: Well, Brum, they get to witness the second coming...of Miss Hoolie!

*Both gasp*

BRUM: Miss Hoolie is coming back? NO!

ROCKO: It's worse - Miss Hoolie is coming back for BALAMORY!

A seven-year war where Miss Hoolie and her soldiers battle all the classic characters the nation has cherished over the years. All leading up to a final showdown between Miss Hoolie and the very first characters to appear on CBeebies: the Teletubbies!

BRUM: Oh, that's great! But...who in the name of Big Town is going to win?

ROCKO: No one ever knows. There are however ten classic preschool shows from the '90s and '00s you can watch from the BBC: Teletubbies Everywhere, Bob The Builder, the original Teletubbies, Tweenies, Bill & Ben, Andy Pandy, Muffin The Mule, Fireman Sam, Postman Pat and Pingu.

Once we wipe Miss Hoolie from the face of the Earth, we will save British kids' TV from an Americanised fate!

BRUM: Wahey! And hopefully save the real Big Cook Little Cook too?

ROCKO: Erm...maybe.

Day 20 - Static Cling

Things I Learnt From Rocko

What's it like for a wallaby - more preferably, a cartoon one - to live on his own? More importantly, what's it like to work as a comic book store owner, AND as a therapist? You see, Rocko's a good therapist, and he taught me everything I need to know about patience, being sick and getting essentials. Here are a few things he taught me from his own experiences:

• Explore while you wait. They may be other people at the counter of T T Retro, but trust me, there are loads of good things to explore. At his comic book store, Rocko dresses up as a superhero named W.O Man, and encourages the kids who visit to be patient and look at all the awesome things for sale while they wait for their turn to buy and pay. So, Rocko, I'm taking your advice from now on. Good lad, Rocks!
• Only eat three. At McDonald's, only three things are enough. Three pieces of chicken nuggets. Small Chicken McNuggets are fine, but, yeah, even French Fries need some respect, and if you're too full to eat your brownie, then drink your Coke instead. Even Rocko was proud of me for refusing to eat a pork belly that my support worker was eating - see? He doesn't obey Henry Danger any day!
• Buy it somewhere else. So, if you can't actually buy Supercar and Narnia in T T Retro, buy it online instead! Sure, Supercar was available on the Gerry Anderson shop, but sadly...only the Narnia audio stories are available. So, I bought a Sun Wordsearch instead! I do wish Rocko told me that before I went on that online shop.
• Take the essentials. Oi, if you're going to have a headache, ask your support worker to get you a nice cool bottle of fresh water and you can take some paracetamol in case your head starts thumping like the heavy metal music in the room below Elsa's family room in The Bed & Breakfast Star.
• Ignore any audiobooks with miserable narration or which trigger bad memories. Mainly Starring Tracy Beaker and Hetty Feather. Ladies and gentlemen, from now on Starring Tracy Beaker is history, and no longer will you be able to hear Hetty Spaghetti!
• Save other works for later. When you have other, important stuff you want to do like stories or songs, make a Save For Later Jar. The jar should contain every single story you want to save for later, plus songs and scripts you want to do later also.

So thanks, Rocks. Even though your show is filled with the kind of gross out humor '90s kids want, it's still full of awesome surprises and cartoony twists and turns - you're a cartoon character. You can squash, stretch, do almost anything you want to do - except go onto Adult Swim of course.

See you next therapy session in O-Town!