Jackpot! by Alan MacDonald
White and yellow painted nails
A yellow campervan
Cool lemonade
Lemon ice lollies
A picnic in the countryside
Riding bikes in the park
A flower meadow
Going swimming in the swimming pool
Deliciously cold ice cream
A slice of vanilla chocolate cake
The scent of vanilla in a clean home
Julia Donaldson animated specials: The Gruffalo, The Highway Rat, Room On The Broom, Zog, The Gruffalo’s Child, The Smeds & The Smoos, Stick Man
A sticky, beautifully made duck cake
A vacation on the beach
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Let’s set the scene. You’re standing in your kitchen. Flour on your shirt. Eggs sweating it out on the counter. You have exactly one hour before your guests arrive or your craving hits critical mass. You grab your phone, type in “chocolate cake recipe,” and tap the first result that pops up.
And then it begins.
“Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that chocolate cake was more than just dessert—it was a symbol of family togetherness. I remember my grandmother, Hilda Mae, baking by the window as the smell of cocoa wafted into the Tennessee morning air…”
Stop.
No.
Please.
You just want to know how many eggs. How much flour. How long to bake it. But instead, you’re being held hostage by a 12-paragraph autobiography about the emotional significance of cocoa powder.
It’s not that we don’t care about Hilda Mae’s baking legacy (okay, we don’t), but when you're elbow-deep in sugar and desperation, ain’t nobody got time for soul-searching.
What Everyone’s Really Thinking During a Recipe Search:
“Can I skip to the ingredients without accidentally clicking an ad?”
“Why is this site playing ukulele music in the background?”
“Do I need to hear about your Paris honeymoon before you tell me how to melt chocolate?”
“Oh great, a 27-image slideshow of every stage of whisking eggs. Can I just see the recipe?”
“Why is the print button so tiny and the Pinterest share button so big?”
The Recipe Everyone Came For (Finally)
(You’re welcome.)
Simple Chocolate Cake
Ingredients:
1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups sugar
1 ½ tsp baking powder
1 ½ tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 cup whole milk
½ cup vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup boiling water
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C). Grease two 9-inch round cake pans.
In a large bowl, mix flour, cocoa, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
Add eggs, milk, oil, and vanilla. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes.
Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour evenly into pans.
Bake 30–35 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Cool for 10 minutes in the pans, then remove to cool completely.
So here’s to recipe bloggers everywhere: we love your passion. But maybe, just maybe, put Grandma Hilda’s life story after the ingredients list?
Today is an exciting day
And all my class are shouting “Hooray!”
You know why? I think I know
They’re going to the cinema to see a movie show
I have autism so I’m concerned
That noisy crowds would make my ears hurt
I hate going to places with lots of crowds
They’re impatient and rude and very loud
So my carer chose I’d stay behind
And we’d do some activities to occupy my mind
While everyone scrambles onto the bus
Only two people are left - just us
First thing’s first is some colouring pages
My Little Pony, hadn’t seen that in ages
Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Apple Bloom
Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna and Scootaloo
My masterpieces done, I put them in my bag
So then it’s break time, the best fun I’ve ever had
My supporter reads me ‘All In One Peace’
The day may be over, but that’s the least!
Next is some baking in the home economics room
We put on aprons, wash our hands and soon
It’s eggs and flour and sugar and cocoa
Into the mixture they all go!
Pour it in a cake pan, wait for it to cook
What else is on the menu? Let’s take a look
Solving puzzles, computer games
Playing with small bears and toy trains
The timer goes off and we return to the room
The cake’s on a rack, now we wait for it to cool
Lunch time is here, so it’s the perfect chance
It makes me want to get up and dance
Cheese sandwiches and two thin Frubes
Tasty yogurty goodness in a tube
A piece of chocolate cake and a drink of Coke
Those items are yummy, it really is no joke!
Lunch break, so we watch some vids
On Youtube on the school computers they hid
Eddsworld with its impressive animation
Where Edd, Tom and Matt took a vacation
Back to lessons, back to the cake
We’re going to do the icing, it’s no mistake
The icing is gooey chocolatey mess
But making icing is what I like best!
Pour water in the mixture, mix it hard
Stir in the chocolate ‘til it’s reached a yard
And now we have icing, mmmm, so sweet
The cake is cool now and ready to eat.
We pour the icing atop the cake
We use some M&M’s to make a face
And there, viola! Our cake is complete
Supporter cuts two slices for us to eat
My class should be back but it’s a long time
But anyhow, it must be home time
I talk with Mum about my day
And show her the chocolate cake I made
I wave goodbye and set off for home
I think about all the fun times I know
Of my unforgettable day in school
Where my supporter and I just ruled
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