Let’s set the scene. You’re standing in your kitchen. Flour on your shirt. Eggs sweating it out on the counter. You have exactly one hour before your guests arrive or your craving hits critical mass. You grab your phone, type in “chocolate cake recipe,” and tap the first result that pops up.
And then it begins.
“Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that chocolate cake was more than just dessert—it was a symbol of family togetherness. I remember my grandmother, Hilda Mae, baking by the window as the smell of cocoa wafted into the Tennessee morning air…”
Stop.
No.
Please.
You just want to know how many eggs. How much flour. How long to bake it. But instead, you’re being held hostage by a 12-paragraph autobiography about the emotional significance of cocoa powder.
It’s not that we don’t care about Hilda Mae’s baking legacy (okay, we don’t), but when you're elbow-deep in sugar and desperation, ain’t nobody got time for soul-searching.
What Everyone’s Really Thinking During a Recipe Search:
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“Can I skip to the ingredients without accidentally clicking an ad?”
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“Why is this site playing ukulele music in the background?”
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“Do I need to hear about your Paris honeymoon before you tell me how to melt chocolate?”
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“Oh great, a 27-image slideshow of every stage of whisking eggs. Can I just see the recipe?”
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“Why is the print button so tiny and the Pinterest share button so big?”
The Recipe Everyone Came For (Finally)
(You’re welcome.)
Simple Chocolate Cake
Ingredients:
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1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
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¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
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2 cups sugar
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1 ½ tsp baking powder
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1 ½ tsp baking soda
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1 tsp salt
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2 eggs
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1 cup whole milk
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½ cup vegetable oil
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2 tsp vanilla extract
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1 cup boiling water
Instructions:
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Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C). Grease two 9-inch round cake pans.
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In a large bowl, mix flour, cocoa, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
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Add eggs, milk, oil, and vanilla. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes.
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Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour evenly into pans.
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Bake 30–35 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
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Cool for 10 minutes in the pans, then remove to cool completely.
So here’s to recipe bloggers everywhere: we love your passion. But maybe, just maybe, put Grandma Hilda’s life story after the ingredients list?
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