One Rude Tater (An Anti-Disney Protest Poem Themed Around Toy Story)

Disney! How dare you make Toy Story 5

It’s the worst thing I’ve seen since Dead Or Alive

Remember back them when CGI was no big deal

Or when Timon and Pumbaa had bugs for every meal?

Well let me tell you, folks, it ain’t true

So that’s why I’m bringing this message to you

Back then, our days with Andy are full of splendor

But you’re filling our movies with AI slop gore!

I mean, look what we’ve been through today

Disney knows magic doesn’t naturally pay

They replaced gentle princesses with adorkable teens,

They focused on teen sitcoms, you know what this means?

Us characters are gonna be thrown aside

If we don’t do as well as Kiara besides

It looks like Disney is dominated by AI!

The lions look real in The Lion King,

I’ve never heard of such a thing!

Plus Moana’s coming back and it’s all CGI

How can you do this? It makes my brain fry

And fly right up into the dark sky

Remember back then when Andy held us close?

He was the one we loved the most

Now Bonnie is just a spoiled high pitched brat

Who panics when playing and that is that

Have you ever seen the kids in Toy Story 3

They panic when they play with us even before tea

It’s like aliens are invading, no offence

To the Little Green Men who owe me sixpence

Back when Andy kept us, we were in Heaven

Even before this annoying 6-7

Mr Potato Head was rude and annoyed

But he still cared for us and his owner boy

Slinky played chess even before Buzz came

Without Andy, life wasn’t always the same

I can hear Bonnie screaming outside in the yard

It makes my ears bleed, and they bleed hard!

And those Disney Junior shows put me off guard

Disney Junior’s dominated by CGI

They think it replaces cherries in a pie

Everything except Bluey is made in 3D

Why can’t you do characters drawn on paper for me?

Then I’ll have fast paced Mickey’s flesh for tea!

Pixar itself is going downhill

Life hasn’t been much of a thrill

Especially with sequels going around

With shaky camera movements and loud sounds

And what is Disney Channel like these days?

They think Big City Greens is the new craze

As well as teen sitcoms, give them a break

Making new content is a piece of cake

But don’t make sitcoms, make something unique

Leave out the hysterics, leave out the chique

And I wish we had the old Little Bo Peep!

All these films and shows make me really mad

With that I shall tip off my hat

And throw it like a frisbee towards your neck

And slice it until blood makes the place wet!

No hand drawn characters? It makes me pissed

It makes viewers wonder, what did I miss?

Well they miss nothing, everything is crap

It’s too unoriginal to run another lap!

All studios these days are entering the race

To send sequels and remakes all over the place

But we, Andy’s toys, have had enough

Of all the soulless predictable stuff

And now you’re plotting to rid Pooh of his fluff!

The hand drawn animation is thrown in the bin

The ratings on Disney Junior are all thin

And so is Disney Channel, hear this, guys

When we burst through the door you’ll get a surprise

And during revenge, there’s no need for disguise!

With help from our fans, we can save our lives

And bring back magic day and night

Because we hate Disney’s new money scheme

We’re in danger, if you know what I mean

And in case you don’t know where we’ve been…

“You’ve got a friend in me….”

Etch's Secret

Dear Journal,

Today I went to visit Woody and Buzz in Andy’s room to see how Etch is doing. After a roaring match with Rex, who didn’t roar at all but did an ear-piercing Wilhelm Scream, I sat down with Woody on Andy’s bed to discuss why Etch can’t talk.

Woody told me that Etch has autism and is disabled, so he is non verbal, and only uses drawings to communicate. Like for instance during the time he set up the meeting during the day of Andy’s birthday party in the original Toy Story film, he forced Etch to draw a gun held by a cowboy, which meant he had extremely good talent indeed. Another time when Woody was being threatened because he shoved Buzz out the window, Etch drew a noose to express his anger.

Woody then went on to say that Andy knew a friend in school that has autism and doesn’t like loud noises and difficult tasks, but only uses an Etch like him to draw pictures to express himself. Like Etch, Andy’s friend, who is named William, is non verbal and uses drawings, sketches and doodles to communicate.

Then the toys had to get into position and I had to hide because Andy came in and took Etch downstairs, because William was coming over for a playdate. The toys and I waited for what felt like hours, until I hid again, for Andy was going to bed. Quickly I took Woody, Rex, Slinky and Hamm out of the room and told them how Etch progressed with William. Much to my surprise, Woody said that Andy has a pretty good side with kids in his class with autism.

Then I asked, “Are some of the toys in Andy’s room autistic?” to which Woody said, “We’ll never know.”