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We lost it.
Every single part of it.
The mansion that had been my mummy’s home for the past decade. It was the 2000’s, and our mansion had been like a grand, luxurious home to us. Me, Lady Penelope, Parker and her pug, Sherbet. I was about 3 now, and we had lost our home to those god-forsaken Tracy brothers when they swooped over and bombed our mansion to oblivion.
We had to evacuate as quickly as we could before we were killed ourselves - we had lost everything, but not FAB-1 though. Upgraded with all the latest tech, FAB-1 was the only stealth vehicle that could get us through tough times such as the destruction of Lady Penelope’s beloved mansion.
When we saw the mansion burst into flames from the effect of the bombing, I cried and began to hug ‘er ladyship’s smooth, soft legs. Parker sobbed and took out an old, soot-covered hankie to blow his huge nose in. The foghorn sound made me giggle a bit, but now ‘er ladyship was in tears. She hid her face in her smooth hands and wept like she just experienced the death of her mother.
After a moment, there was silence as the bright red fire engines wailed in and some fire people charged over to put the fire out. I tugged on mummy’s bright red dress, already covered in patches of soot like she had just skinned a rare red cheetah alive.
“Mummy?” I softly whimpered. She didn’t respond.
“Is anything wrong, milady?” asked Parker, as if she saw mummy graze her knee while carrying a trayful of tea and cake for a grown up’s party.
She turned to Uncle Parker, tears leaking from her tightened, shut eyes, and tried to think of something to say under all her sobs. Her brain wouldn’t. It was foggy from all the shock.
“Mummy?” I asked softly again. Still she didn’t respond. Sherbet began to whimper quietly. Being the kind and gentle toddler I was, I began scratching his head as if fleas had migrated to it looking for a new head of hair to rent.
“Doggy doggy,” I softly reassured, tousling Sherbet’s head of fur.
Then at last, Lady Penelope spoke, in a low, upset voice than her normal, kind voice.
“Parker…we’re leaving.”
“What, milady?” asked Parker.
“We can’t take any more of those bloody Tracy brothers any more,” said Lady Penelope, softly in a tone of anger that would reassure me.
“They always beat us to it when their advanced technology always comes in handy for every mission they ever get their mitts on. This time, they have gone too far.”
Parker thought for a moment. Then, his eyes red and raw from sobbing, his nose a bit drippy from blowing hard into his dirty hankie, he said:
“If you know what’s h’alright, milady. But remember, as yer old mum said: it’s more h’about the journey than the destination.”
“Journey.” I smiled, my mouth wobbling as it turned up at the corners, trying to force a comfortingly painful yet adorable smile.
Lady Penelope thought it through for a moment. She looked at Parker, then she turned her head to me - her darling little daughter - and Sherbet, who was whining, showing the most adorable glass puppydog eyes any dog had ever shown….besides Bluey, of course.
Then Lady Penelope’s shoulders fell like two red boulders about to roll down a train track. She sighed a deep, gentle sigh that was so soft, it felt like she was about to pick me up and hug me like she had a nice, soft blankie to snuggle against.
“Parker, if these words mean the world to me, then I must do what’s right.” she corrected, feeling encouraged at last. Instead of yelling out a small, ear-piercing cheer for my brave mummy for keeping an unstoppable face, I said, very softly, but just loud enough for mummy’s brave mind to hear:
“Yay.”
Lady Penelope got her car keys out of her dress pocket and pressed a pink button at the very top. The garage doors lifted open, and out rumbled FAB-1, driving right towards us. Some of the firemen had to jump out of the way in shock, and others took off their helmets and scratched their itchy, wild-haired heads, confused about what in the name of the lordy lord we were up to. They muttered things like,
“Are these guys crazy?”
And
“Since when did this car move by itself?”
“Bab-Bun!” I cried, jumping up and down and no longer with trauma gripping my mind.
“Yes, Sybil,” smiled ‘er ladyship, finally finding her feet at last,
“We’re taking you on a little road trip to find a new home.”
“YAY!” I cried, a bit louder than I had said it before.
“Well done, milady,” smiled Parker. “You know what to do now, don’t you?”
Even Sherbet barked in approval.
Then, Lady Penelope took a deep breath, and said those famous words she forgot to say all these years:
“Step in the Rolls, Parker. We’re going for a little ride home.”
“Yes, milady!” cried Parker, a little more cheerfully than he did before.
Parker threw himself into the driver’s seat of Fab-1, while mummy helped me into my booster seat and Sherbet leapt onto her lap. Some of the firemen gathered around us to wish us luck, and some even threw their hard hats up in the air as if it were some kind of graduation ceremony mixed in with a wedding. They were wishing us good luck and goodbye as we drove off, cheering and calling out:
“Good luck, your ladyship!”
Mummy helped me turn back and wave goodbye to the nice firemen as we drove off. We may never see her mansion again since the stupid Tracys set it alight for our participation not being at all useful, but we’re off to find a new one.
A new one!
A NEW ONE!
And oh boy, it was just the beginning! It felt such a pleasure to feel free as we hit the road, trundling down the ongoing country lanes, admiring all the scenery we passed. Mummy however told me we had to let Parker concentrate on his driving, as we were already miles behind the burning mansion, and he needed time to clear his middle-aged head.
“Old!” I cried.
Mummy giggled and tickled my tummy, cooing
“Now don’t say that. Ooooh, don’t say that!”
I was loving it, being tickled by my ultra-glamourous mummy. I giggled loudly, while Parker chuckled from the front seat.
The journey took a very long time, and we had to stop for a few toilet breaks because at some points in the journey I said:
“Wee wee!”
And we had to stop at a bush so Mummy would hold me under my arms and let me pee into a bush.
“Now make sure no one notices,” reassured mummy, looking around to see if anyone was watching.
“I h’am,” joked Parker, and we all chuckled. Luckily he had some toilet paper packed into his empty sports bag and he let mummy use it to wipe my bottom clean.
Once I was all clean and my hands were washed with cotton candy scented-hand sanitiser, we set off on our way again. I was beginning to get bored, so we played a game of I Spy. We saw a lot of interesting things along the way. When mummy suggested something beginning with C, I said,
“Camp!”
And I pointed to two campers who waved at us cheerfully, and we waved back. Then it was Parker’s turn, and he wanted to see something that is extremely huge. And what did he guess?
“ ‘Er ladyship’s bottom!”
And how we both cracked up laughing, mummy and me.
“My bottom isn’t at all huge, Parker, but your’s is!” she joked.
“And so is me h’appetite,” he said, “Tell yer what - we’ll stop h’at the first motorway ‘otel we come to, ‘ave dinner and then ‘it the ‘ay.”
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