Monday, 4 July 2022
Space Chocolate Cake
11 Unicorn Ice Cream Treats
The Ice Cream Eating Contest
One day at the park, Luke, Resus, Cleo, Winston and I were enjoying ice creams from the ice cream lady at her stall. I had vanilla, Luke had chocolate, Cleo had strawberry, Resus had orange and Winston had raspberry ice cream. We always enjoyed getting an ice cream on a hot day, especially when the temperature’s bursting. “Those are some nice creams, Sybs,” said Luke. “Nice creams? I thought it was ice cream.” said Cleo. “I like to refer to them as nice creams, it’s much better than ice creams in my way of speaking.” “I’ve got some on my face!” said Winston. He always got ice cream on his face because he was a lot younger than most of us. “And I’ve got some on my tongue. They sting your teeth every time it touches them.” Some ice cream rolled onto my teeth. They started to feel cold already, so I swallowed them.
“I wish I could try some of your’s.” I pleaded, gazing longingly at Luke’s chocolate ice cream. “Mind if I have a lick?” “No.” said Luke, holding his ice cream high in the air. “Please…I want to have it!” I cried. “No, no, no, no, no!” said Luke. “Pleeeeasse, Luke!” I cried. “Let her have a lick of your ice cream. It’s nice to share after all.” “Only if…we challenge each other to an ice cream eating contest!” He held his ice cream high into the air. Too high. The ice cream fell off its cone and landed on Resus’ head! “Oh noooo,” groaned Resus. “Chocolate in my hair!”
It took a while to clean the ice cream off Resus using the water pump, and this got his clothes all wet, but eventually we let him dry off in the park while Luke, Cleo, Winston and I went to the ice cream parlour. It was a Sunday, so there was no one in, not even any shop owners. We snuck into the kitchen, where they kept lots of fridges filled with ice cream of different flavours. We took two giant blue stripe bowls, and put in scoop after scoop of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice cream. We placed one bowl on the table for me, and one bowl for Luke. “Right, here’s the plan. No breaks from eating ice cream. Anyone who stops is out. That is, if you’re too full to understand it.” said Cleo. “Okay,” we both said. “Go Luke!” cried Winston. “You can do it!” “Go Sybil!” cried Cleo. “Woo!”
I started by scooping a spoonful of ice cream and cramming it into my mouth, gulping it down with one almighty swallow. “Yeah! One point!” cheered Cleo. Luke thought he could do better, so he partially transformed his mouth and nose into his werewolf snout and devoured the ice cream in big bites. Seeing if he could do better, I ate five spoonfuls of ice cream in one go. Luke ate five big mouthfuls of ice cream. Winston was confused watching all this occur. “Do you think Luke will win, Cleo?” he asked. “I’m not sure. We’ll have to wait and see.” At that time, Resus entered from his long time drying off in the sunshine in the park. “Hey, guys, what’s going on in-”
He was too late. There was only one globule of ice cream left in our bowls. Luke felt full, but I managed to eat the last globule up before Luke had time to reach his spoon. “Sybil wins!” “Hooray!” Resus and Winston cheered. “Bad luck, Luke,” said Winston. But Luke was groaning in pain. He had terrible tummy ache from eating too much ice cream, and he had eaten every last spoonful. We ran up to Luke and felt sorry for him. Cleo reached out to touch his tummy, but Luke yelled in pain. “He’s got tummy ache. Let’s take him home and let him have enough rest.”
Luke rested fine when we went home. I comforted him all the way and told him some reassuring things. I even told him a story or two to calm him down. Resus and Cleo did their best to reassure him too, lying beside him and stroking him without touching his tummy. Then, Luke’s dad came in carrying a tray full of chocolate biscuits and strawberry ice cream. “I’ve got something to make you feel better, Luke,” he said, “Biscuits and ice cream. What do you think of that then?” “Yuck, no!” cried Luke, and with that, he took out a puke bucket and vomited. BLLLEEEEAAAAAURGH!
“Never engage in an ice cream eating contest,” I sighed severely.
I.B.F.Fs - The Real Spooktacular Joke Book - Here Sir
The first in a new project. Dr Skulley hates taking the register...or does he?
I.B.F.Fs: The Real Spooktacular Joke Book - Here Sir
Introducing the next big book printing project!👏
Dr Skulley hated taking the register at the beginning of every school morning. Every morning his pupils do something unexpected which annoys him or sometimes ticks him off, until he becomes so mad that he dismisses the class entirely. That pleases Luke, but sometimes Dr Skulley needs a bit of proper training. Here is what happened during a certain week in the life of the world’s boniest teacher.
“Hey! I’m the one who spoke the first beautifully constructed line of Scream Street, you know.”
Sorry, Dr. Skulley. Anyway, on Monday, all the pupils took their seats as always. Dr Skulley sat at his desk and took the register. “Luke?” he called. He was too busy biting his pencil, testing how strong his werewolf teeth are. “Resus?” Resus was listening to Brain Drain on his phone. “Cleo?” Cleo was doodling in her notebook. “Luella?” Luella was levitating an apple using her magic and paid no attention at all. “This is why she should never use spells at school,” murmured Dr Skulley to himself. He continued. “Six?” Six was asleep at her desk. “Dixon?” Dixon was picking his nose. Yuck! Dr Skulley grossed out for a bit. He continued. “Farp?” Farp was eating a whole plate of beans. Dr Skulley looked really nervous now. “Mia?” Mia was talking to Amy about the handsome looking perfume Charlie got for his birthday. “So, Charlie was pleased by this muscular perfume bottle I got him for his birthday, and you know what? It reminded him of a certain wolf boy.” “Oi!” cried Luke. “Captain?” Captain was making a paper aeroplane and whizzing it around the classroom. “Jasper?” Jasper was doing some maths calculations on his calculator. “Glad someone’s doing their maths work early. Charlie?” Charlie was talking with Pepper until he got bonked on the nose by Captain’s paper plane. “Pepper?” Pepper was silent. Dr Skulley just put down the register and continued with the day’s lessons.
On Tuesday, Dr Skulley decided to try again. Once the class got settled down, he got the register and checked to see if all the pupils are here. “Luke?” asked Dr Skulley. Instead of saying “Here!” Luke said, “Poo!” “Poo?!” cried Dr Skulley, “Luke, I’m warning you! Resus?” “Bum!” called Resus. “Cleo?” “Camel’s breath!” called Cleo. “Luella?” “Magic milk!” Luella called. “Six?” “Wee!” called Six. “Toilets!” called Dixon. “Farts!” called Farp, farting a little. The entire class grossed out. “Class, if you would just pay attention please!” called Dr Skulley. “Bottoms!” called Captain. “Bogies!” called Mia. “Burps!” called Pepper. “Fingernails!” called Charlie. “Calculator!” called Jasper. “Yuck!” called Amy. Dr Skulley angrily threw his register onto the floor. He had dismissed the class and let them stay off school the whole day, because they were too focused on bottom jokes to even concentrate on their lessons. When he went to bed that night, he sighed to himself. “All my students think about nowadays is poo and bottoms,” he said quietly, before he turned out the light and went to sleep.
The next day, Dr Skulley went into class. All the pupils were quiet. “Right, this time let’s try to get some sense into you,” said Dr Skulley as he picked up the register. “Luke?” But Luke was eating some crisps. Resus was eating M&M’s. Cleo was eating honey-covered locusts. Luella was drinking pure white milk. Six was eating a chocolate cake. Dixon was eating marshmallows. Farp was eating sprouts and beans on a plate. Mia was eating biscuits. Captain was eating sandwiches with lettuce, cheese and tomato. Jasper was eating Haribo sweets. Amy was drinking some orange juice. Charlie was eating a cheese and tomato pizza. Well, both of them begin with CH after all! Pepper was eating grapes. “WHAT?!” screamed Dr Skulley, “This isn’t Eat At School Day!” Everyone stopped eating and looked up at Dr Skulley. They all groaned, and some swallowed the food that remained in their mouths. “Now put your food back in your lunchboxes and let’s continue with the day’s work.” Everyone groaned again as they put their lunch back into their lunchboxes, and Dr Skulley began writing on the blackboard.
On Thursday, Dr Skulley was feeling a bit shaky and nervous as he tiptoed into the classroom. The whole class was giggling under their breaths. Once Dr Skulley picked up the register, the entire class burst into fits of laughter. Dr Skulley nearly dropped the register, but managed to grab hold of it in double quick time. Once the laughter died down, Dr Skulley took a collective breath and said, “Right, I want everyone to be on their best behaviour this time. Luke?” Luke made a rude noise. Resus followed with an even ruder noise. Cleo waggled her tongue about. Mia put her finger up her nose and made a burp-like noise. Soon, all the class were making the rudest noises a teacher could hear. Dr Skulley screamed and banged his head on the desk. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” he cried…
On Friday, Dr Skulley was too scared to go into the school, but he had to try. When he came in, he saw that Luke had armed himself with a hose, and all the class were giggling under their breaths. When Dr Skulley came in, Luke fired. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” he cried, soaking wet with water. The class high-fived each other and cheered wildly. “That’s what you get for limiting all my favourite spare time activities!” called Luke. Dr Skulley looked at his register. It was soaking wet, and all the ink had run. “THAT’S IT!” screamed Dr Skulley. His class stopped cheering and became frightened. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH! LEAVE SCHOOL! LEAVE! LEEEEAAAAVE!!” Everyone left, gathering their stuff and exiting out the door. Dr Skulley sat on his desk, sopping wet, and cried. It wasn’t fair being a teacher, especially if you’ve been a laboratory skeleton.
On the weekend, Dr Skulley went round to Calypso’s house for tea. She had heard about Dr Skulley’s troubles and didn’t have trouble with her own pupils. “It’s just too stressful for me,” sighed Dr Skulley as he bit down onto a small chocolate cake, “Every time I try to take the register my pupils are too distracted. I try very hard to be strict towards my pupils, but I feel like time has taken its toll on my hands. What shall I do?” Calypso, always reassuring, gave advice. “I’ve taught my pupils the skills they need to live their lives while they play. I’m hoping you can do the same too.” “What?” asked Dr Skulley. “Let your class have fun while you take the register. I hate to sound like spoilers have just come early, but I think you should let your students embrace the happiness they have when they feel themselves.” Dr Skulley smiled slightly, and hugged Calypso. It was the right thing to do.
So, two days later, Dr Skulley walked into class happily, and saw all the students mucking around in class. He took the register, and this time, everyone was having fun as they called “Here!” one by one. But when it was Luke’s turn, he aimed the hose at Dr Skulley and squirted him with a jet of cold water. Dr Skulley screamed again and took a look at the register. It was wet again. Dr Skulley and his students laughed. “Oh my god, what a laugh!” he cried, “What do you say, class?”
“POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” everyone cried happily in unison. “Yes,” said Dr Skulley, “That’s what I think too.”
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