“Uncle Tracy, I need you!” I cried, tapping the screen of my Amazon Echo five times. Immediately after the 5 seconds of waiting, Jeff Tracy’s friendly, understanding face appeared on the screen. He looked so reassuring and calm that I felt like crying.
“Hello, Sybil, how’s your day been so far?” he asked. Immediately, my face went red with overwhelm.
“My whole day has been complete POO PANTS,” I ranted, sounding as if I was about to explode.
“First of all I had eye strain constantly, and Mum said I needed to wear glasses. Then I tried out ITVX, and due to it constantly glitching out due to everyone being on the internet, this is why everything is stupid tonight.”
“No need to be so harsh,” soothed Jeff, his tones sounding more soft and gentle than his stern manner towards Scott and the rest of his sons. In fact, he looked so comforting, I felt like I was about to cry.
“Now, now, Sybil. We’ve all been through these kinds of situations before - I was a lot like you today. There were so many adverts on ITVX, I had a strong feeling The Hood was behind all this. In fact, he almost threatened to circumcise Tin Tin as punishment for being on there and threatening the modern day loudness of ITVX with the calm and quiet of classic British TV. And we don’t want ads appearing during Mr Anderson’s classic puppet shows, do we?”
“No way!” I said,
“Those ads are so annoying to your brain. And yesterday I went off washing my face and reading, all because of one single day!”
“I know,” sighed Uncle Tracy.
“In fact, Brains told me that you were going off things today. I think he was right in his own words, to say the least - every single newer show on ITVX doesn’t settle with you because you’re just a niche person with big dreams of what you believe in. ITV just believes in shows that would cause floods of tears. You are the opposite.”
“And how am I the opposite, Uncle Tracy?” I asked,
“ITVX allows classic shows on their service, but the BBC doesn’t. They were all like, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And ITVX was all like, Wahey we love classic shows, we hate you, BBC iPlayer! And that’s why they don’t like classics, because they’re too expensive and cost so much.”
“Money problems can get in the way of putting classics up for display,” sighed Uncle Tracy, a mournful look spreading on his middle aged face,
“When money becomes the main focus for a company, they go so creatively bankrupt they don’t even know which programmes they’re producing. In fact, money is all everyone craves now. I hear you - it isn’t fair, but you can turn everyone’s attention away from all this money obsession. Money’s like a drug - once companies become addicted to it, viewers have no chance of escaping its wrath.”
“So weed, LSD and crack don’t matter to these companies right now?” I asked, confused.
“Money IS weed, LSD and crack, combined into one force. In fact, International Rescue is too powerless to stop even those addicted to it. That’s why puppets don’t exist anymore - people like the ITVXecutives have become so addicted to it, they’re replacing every single show or film that’s supposed to use other styles with CGI. Unfortunately, I’m lucky me, my sons and everyone you loved from the Anderverse emerged alive.”
“Mmmmm,” I smiled, shutting my eyes and feeling tears stream down my face. These were the most powerful words I have ever heard.
Jeff’s once gruff voice softened like a cuddly duvet as he continued:
“I believe in you, Sybil. Your most important mission doesn’t concern the meaningless, the helpless, the powerless - it all concerns ridding the drug. The drug that is the dough. The dough that causes companies to run out of ideas. Money doesn’t matter, but you matter to them if you give them a chance.”
Almost on the verge of crying, I snivelled,
“So….does that mean I can campaign all I want?”
“There’s more to life than just campaigning. The strength of one must be joined by the love, courage and unity of everyone she knows - and that includes people you think may be real but aren’t, including those here in International Rescue. Think you can do that for me, kid?”
I nodded, and the tears were just as overwhelming as what I was experiencing today. I was so emotionally overwhelmed that immediately I fell asleep.
Jeff saw I was snuggled up tight in my bed at last after an overwhelming day, and turned on his cassette player to play me a soft, gentle lullaby.
And what was that lullaby?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4433h-nWAE
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