At the pub...
HACKER: (takes a swig of his meat paste whisky) This Christmas, CBBC doesn't have a clue when it comes to featuring me in other shows. I mean, look at me: on Blue Peter, hosting a mini Christmas themed game show. For the whole show, I was worried that the most adorable hound on telly, Henry, would take me like a chew toy and rip me into tiny little fur coats!
BARTENDER: I see. Henry's becoming more popular than you. Hey, you're still wearing your Winter clothes from the game show you hosted on Blue Peter. Aren't you going to take those off?
HACKER: NO! (slams his fist down on the counter) Mix more meat paste into my whisky - and fast!
BARTENDER: Hacker, are you drunk?
HACKER: I sure am, and I'm drunk because I didn't get enough attention since Hacker Time got cancelled. I mean, we did great teaching kids about awkward school stuff with our 4 O'Clock Club rap parodies, and-
BARTENDER: You do know Diddy TV has educational songs, too, right.
HACKER: SICK!
BARTENDER: Yeah everyone hates Diddy TV these days. Sketch shows on CBBC such dog tails.
HACKER: Sometimes I wish Hacker Time would still be on air, then I won't get wasted on this whisky - and it's so good! (glugs it down)
BARTENDER: Hacker, stop it, your brother Dodge would never do a thing like that.
HACKER: Shuddup, he's from CBeebies, and Blue Peter has been on CBeebies before, you know what I mean?
BARTENDER: I see. I watched the whole Six Badges Of Summer thing and I...I...I...
HACKER: What?
BARTENDER: I don't have kids.
HACKER: Find a wife!
THUD!
BARTENDER: Hacker? Uh...Hacker?
(Hacker groans)
BARTENDER: Must've been too much meat paste in his wasting juice.
Watch the full show on iPlayer:
