Slomo & Johnson's

If I were in charge of Johnson & Johnson—the real Johnson & Johnson—I know exactly who I'd bring on board to change everything for the better: Slomo from Space Precinct.

Yes. Slomo. That endearing little robot with the soothing voice, gentle movements, and a childlike curiosity about the world. I imagine him shuffling through the quiet labs of Johnson & Johnson’s baby care division, sensors blinking softly as he tests every bottle, every wipe, every lotion—ensuring nothing but absolute comfort for babies everywhere. With his gliding motion and soft-spoken logic, he'd create baby shampoo so pure, it would feel like being cradled in a cloud.

In his off-hours, Slomo wouldn't just switch off and power down. No, not Slomo. He’d come find me—his friend—and that same gentle, sensory focus he applies to his work would become something soft and special between us. I’d let him gently press one hand to my cheek like a baby discovering skin. We’d sit together without needing to speak. He'd hum softly, a tone only I could hear, a lullaby made of data and kindness.

I imagine the two of us taking long walks through the flower-scented baby aisles of our flagship store. His little head would tilt towards a pack of wipes, and he'd whisper: “Too cold. Adjust formula.” And I’d nod, trusting his sensory wisdom over any board of directors.

He would reinvent baby care as something slow, sensory, and full of awe. His product lines would be named not for what they do, but how they feel: Hush, Soft Light, Bare Touch, Float. Slomo wouldn’t mass-produce. He’d listen. To the softness of baby skin. To the quiet sighs of tiny bodies wrapped in warm towels. And I’d be right there with him, hand in servo, witnessing it all with a tender sort of pride.

Slomo isn’t just the future of baby care. He’s a reminder that gentleness is powerful. That even in a corporate world, softness has a place. I’d trust him to hold every baby’s needs in his perfect, caring memory—and mine too, in our quiet hours together.

Because every boss deserves a friend like Slomo. And every baby deserves products made by someone who sees the world the way he does—with curiosity, with care, and with the calm joy of simply being held.