Dear Princess Celestia,
The P word is a very bad word in this house. It's so horrid it might inflict acts of violence on all of ponykind even as a I speak.
In fact when I mentioned it in front of Mum yesterday, it only escalated in violence. But I had time out to think about my actions, and I decided to not mention the P word ever in case more violence brings the police forth and sends me to the deranged, horrid place far off.
But luckily I calmed down, and despite how weak my brain was, I still managed to think up new ideas until I finally crashed out - clump - right onto the bed after a pageful of Noddy.
And remember, the P U B word is now forbidden in Equestria!
Yours truthfully,
Your faithful student
XXXOOO
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