Tuesday, 5 July 2022
When You're Ready To Go Nude Swimming With Luke, Resus & Cleo...
Nude swimming. It's a fact of life.
Bluey & The Special Event
It was an exciting day at the London convention centre. It was the first day of X-Itecon, a place where all the exciting things that occured this year are on display. This year, the main attractions were Bluey on CBeebies, Chip N Dale and The Book Of Pooh on Disney+ and the new Scream Street books, The Petrifying Puzzle Book and The Terrifying Trivia Book.
Bluey's Back!
Here, read the information on these pictures. You may have to enlarge them if you want to see more.
I.B.F.Fs: The Real Spooktacular Joke Book - Hunchback
“Now then, class,” said Dr Skulley one bright, breezy morning. “Today we are going to write essays based around our favourite Disney films or series. I know you’ve been watching a lot of Disney+ lately, but due to the Coronavirus pandemic which brought forth our awful second series adventures…” The whole class began to boo. “Quiet!” cried Dr Skulley. “There’ll be no booing in the class! Now, as I was saying, due to the Coronavirus pandemic, CBBC is advertising iPlayer a lot, and someday it’ll mean CBBC will be rid of once and for all.” The whole class cheered. No one cheered louder than Luke. “Yeah, good riddance!” called Resus. “I know you’re all excited, but now let’s get to work on our essays.”
Everyone started writing down essays about their favourite Disney films. Six was mostly writing about The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, her favourite Disney film, when Jasper leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. “Hey, have you seen Star Wars?” “Star Wars? What are they?” asked Six. “You know, galactic battles way up in Outer Space. Han, Chewie, C-3PO, all that stuff, BB-8, Rey, Finn…” “Oh, I know now,” said Six. Luke, Resus and Cleo stood out from the crowd, as they were writing essays on Zenimation. Here’s what Luke wrote down:
“Zenimation is a lovely, calming series from Disney+. It’s not too bright or flashy like others, but you’ll never look at Disney characters ever again after seeing this. We watch it with Sybil at home, and boy, does it soothe us before we get ready for bed. Just seeing images like Koda running through a dandelion field, Old Chief showing a softer side to puppy Copper and Winnie The Pooh and Christopher Robin making their way to the river is just what we need when we’ve had a stressful day at school and we need to avoid all the turmoil we experience watching CBBC.”
“Hey, Resus,” said Luke, “Why don’t we watch Zenimation and Star Wars Galaxy Of Sounds when we get home tonight?” “Yeah, why not? Watching people fighting with lightsabers is always a nice way to calm us down. Remember when we were battling with lightsabers when Cleo’s boyfriend showed up?” “That was Dixon.” said Cleo, “And trust me, I thought we’d never talk about when I was with-” “Oi!” screamed Dixon, and threw his paper at Cleo. Cleo threw her paper back. Then Farp threw a spitball through a straw at Dixon. Soon, everyone was throwing pieces of paper about, chanting “Paper Balls! Paper Balls! Paper Balls!” “Who is responsible for this?” cried Dr Skulley, but a piece of paper bonked him on the head and he was knocked out cold. Luke, Resus and Cleo continued writing their essays in all the chaos.
Dixon got detention because of his paper fight, but Luke, Resus and Cleo were rewarded gold skulls (y’know, like gold stars, but in Scream Street form) by Dr Skulley for the most beautiful essays. Luke, Resus and Cleo went to pick me up from school. I ran out of the door and raced towards my siblings, who cuddled me and gave me great kisses. I showed him the picture I painted of me and Bluey together. “Well, that’s a lovely picture, we can put it up on the wall when we get back.” said Cleo. “Would you like to watch Zenimation with us?” “Do I ever,” I said, “I’ve had the most stressing day in the history of the world ever.”
At home, we put on our pyjamas and sat down in front of the TV to watch Disney+. Luke, Resus and Cleo showed me their essays. “They’re beautifully written,” I said. “It’s a shame you had to do it when Dixon caused a paper ball fight.” “Well, it’s a shame he had detention. The stupid shapeshifter. Anyway, let’s get on with relaxing to Disney!” said Resus. We turned on Zenimation and the short ‘Natural Wonders’. It was great. We were staring for ages at the beginning images of blurred images of a forest. “Which movie is that from?” I asked, confused. “Bambi?” asked Luke. “The Fox & The Hound?” asked Resus. “Melody Time?” asked Cleo. As each clip progressed, we relaxed and took it all in, hearing the sounds of nature, wind blowing and leaves flying in the breeze. We especially like Mufasa sitting with Simba atop Pride Rock. There was even footage from Fantasia 2000 in there, of seagulls flying over a glacier. The clip following was from The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, of Quasimodo climbing up Notre Dame against a purple sky. That was when Luke paused the film. “Something tells me our cousin likes this film,” he said. “Why?” I asked. “It’s a matter of yes or no. We have to phone her and find out.”
Six was just getting ready for bed when the phone rang. She went to answer it. “Hello? Six speaking.” “Hi, Six, it’s Luke. I just called to find out if you like the Hunchback Of Notre Dame or not.” “Well, I wasn’t around when the film was released, but I was around when clips of the show were featured in Zenimation.” she said. “By the way, I like the Hunchback Of Notre Dame, especially the crazy sightings you find before Quasimodo gets chosen and thrown fruit at. I especially like the gargoyles, shame there aren’t many in Scream Street. They were all scared away in October 2020, the year I arrived on screens, and boy was it a pain. I got possessed by a face mask! I wish these episodes never aired.” Six was sad now, but Luke was offering a comforting hand to those who were in trouble. “Watching Disney makes you forget all your worries! Just listen to the song Hakuna Matata and everything will be okay.” “Yes! Okay, Luke!” said Six. Once she hung up, Six found Dr F’s old radio. She switched channels, and sure enough the original Hakuna Matata was playing. How Six danced!
When we went to bed that night, something remarkably strange happened. The window slowly opened and let in an intense breeze. Leaves danced into our house, and the curtains blew like ghosts in the wind. Suddenly, a magical noise woke us all up. We looked around and saw a door in the door of our cupboard. It was big enough to fit all of us. We got out of bed and went to have a look. It was very strange, yet it was very satisfying. I opened the door and saw a white light. “Are you sure it’s safe?” asked Resus curiously. “Maybe, yes, but one thing’s for sure, it’s something to do with our essays. Come on.” Luke, Resus, Cleo and I went through the door and found ourselves in a dark tunnel leading outwards towards the light. The ground beneath our feet was now soil and earth. The light got closer and closer, until…
We found ourselves in an entirely dark new world. The fog was a dark, murky blue and the grass was waving in the gentle wind. It was a strangely tranquil place, but we knew there was more to this place than meets the eye. We tried to find our way around the place, but all we could see was fields of green. “It’s no good. We can’t find anything anywhere.” I moaned. “Maybe if we can use our ears, we could hear what’s in the distance.” said Cleo. We listened hard, and sure enough we could hear the sound of crashing water. I knew what I had to do. I took hold of Luke’s hand. He held Resus’ pale hand, then Cleo’s, and we all made our way to the edge of a cliff. It overlooked an entire beach, all empty and serene, with waves splashing onto the shore. We climbed down the cliff and raced towards the beach. We ran together like we had never run before, wild and free with the wind. It was so freeing and joyous, and we had never felt this much freedom in our lives.
But suddenly, as we were running, we found it. A sight that shocked us. The graves of all our friends from Scream Street, including our parents. “Dad!” cried Cleo, and he ran up to Niles’ grave, sobbing. “No…mum, dad, please!” Resus sobbed, and knelt down by his parent’s graves. “No!” wailed Luke, kneeling by his parents’ graves. I was standing by Six’s grave, looking forlorn. Even Dr F was buried away in her grave, her tombstone covered in thick red blood. When I looked around, I saw that Luke, Resus and Cleo were engraved in the sand too, their tombstones covered in blood too. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” I shouted, and ran towards their graves. “Please, you’ve got to be okay. If you can be alive just for this once, I’ll say goodbye to you. Please…please!” Just then, I felt the cold water of the ocean around my feet, and I felt it rising up, until it covered my entire body. I held onto Luke’s grave for comfort, but then I sunk deeper into the ocean and drowned.
The next thing I knew, I woke up and it was morning! I looked around. Everything seemed okay, no magical door in sight…but when I saw Luke, Resus and Cleo I squealed with delight. “Luke! Resus! Cleo!” I cried, “You’re alive!” When they woke up, I gave them endless hugs and kisses. “It was just a dream, you’re alive!” “Who says we are dead to you?” asked Resus, “I think we died in our dreams, but we’re alive in real life.” “For real life.” I repeated. Suddenly, Luke’s parents entered the room. “What’s all the noise?” asked Luke’s dad. “We heard you all screaming and yelling.” said Luke’s mum. “You’re alive too!” I shouted, “Oh boy, must I admit that these essays were foolish for us, not for Dr Skulley to read…”
Dr Skulley ripped up the pages of Luke’s essay. “There, that should get rid of those nightmares about death and destruction. And by the way, I’m not dead yet.” Luke sighed, and returned to his chair to continue his lessons with Resus and Cleo by his side. He knew that he'd never trust another Disney+ property ever again.
Monday, 4 July 2022
Space Chocolate Cake
11 Unicorn Ice Cream Treats
The Ice Cream Eating Contest
One day at the park, Luke, Resus, Cleo, Winston and I were enjoying ice creams from the ice cream lady at her stall. I had vanilla, Luke had chocolate, Cleo had strawberry, Resus had orange and Winston had raspberry ice cream. We always enjoyed getting an ice cream on a hot day, especially when the temperature’s bursting. “Those are some nice creams, Sybs,” said Luke. “Nice creams? I thought it was ice cream.” said Cleo. “I like to refer to them as nice creams, it’s much better than ice creams in my way of speaking.” “I’ve got some on my face!” said Winston. He always got ice cream on his face because he was a lot younger than most of us. “And I’ve got some on my tongue. They sting your teeth every time it touches them.” Some ice cream rolled onto my teeth. They started to feel cold already, so I swallowed them.
“I wish I could try some of your’s.” I pleaded, gazing longingly at Luke’s chocolate ice cream. “Mind if I have a lick?” “No.” said Luke, holding his ice cream high in the air. “Please…I want to have it!” I cried. “No, no, no, no, no!” said Luke. “Pleeeeasse, Luke!” I cried. “Let her have a lick of your ice cream. It’s nice to share after all.” “Only if…we challenge each other to an ice cream eating contest!” He held his ice cream high into the air. Too high. The ice cream fell off its cone and landed on Resus’ head! “Oh noooo,” groaned Resus. “Chocolate in my hair!”
It took a while to clean the ice cream off Resus using the water pump, and this got his clothes all wet, but eventually we let him dry off in the park while Luke, Cleo, Winston and I went to the ice cream parlour. It was a Sunday, so there was no one in, not even any shop owners. We snuck into the kitchen, where they kept lots of fridges filled with ice cream of different flavours. We took two giant blue stripe bowls, and put in scoop after scoop of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice cream. We placed one bowl on the table for me, and one bowl for Luke. “Right, here’s the plan. No breaks from eating ice cream. Anyone who stops is out. That is, if you’re too full to understand it.” said Cleo. “Okay,” we both said. “Go Luke!” cried Winston. “You can do it!” “Go Sybil!” cried Cleo. “Woo!”
I started by scooping a spoonful of ice cream and cramming it into my mouth, gulping it down with one almighty swallow. “Yeah! One point!” cheered Cleo. Luke thought he could do better, so he partially transformed his mouth and nose into his werewolf snout and devoured the ice cream in big bites. Seeing if he could do better, I ate five spoonfuls of ice cream in one go. Luke ate five big mouthfuls of ice cream. Winston was confused watching all this occur. “Do you think Luke will win, Cleo?” he asked. “I’m not sure. We’ll have to wait and see.” At that time, Resus entered from his long time drying off in the sunshine in the park. “Hey, guys, what’s going on in-”
He was too late. There was only one globule of ice cream left in our bowls. Luke felt full, but I managed to eat the last globule up before Luke had time to reach his spoon. “Sybil wins!” “Hooray!” Resus and Winston cheered. “Bad luck, Luke,” said Winston. But Luke was groaning in pain. He had terrible tummy ache from eating too much ice cream, and he had eaten every last spoonful. We ran up to Luke and felt sorry for him. Cleo reached out to touch his tummy, but Luke yelled in pain. “He’s got tummy ache. Let’s take him home and let him have enough rest.”
Luke rested fine when we went home. I comforted him all the way and told him some reassuring things. I even told him a story or two to calm him down. Resus and Cleo did their best to reassure him too, lying beside him and stroking him without touching his tummy. Then, Luke’s dad came in carrying a tray full of chocolate biscuits and strawberry ice cream. “I’ve got something to make you feel better, Luke,” he said, “Biscuits and ice cream. What do you think of that then?” “Yuck, no!” cried Luke, and with that, he took out a puke bucket and vomited. BLLLEEEEAAAAAURGH!
“Never engage in an ice cream eating contest,” I sighed severely.
I.B.F.Fs - The Real Spooktacular Joke Book - Here Sir
The first in a new project. Dr Skulley hates taking the register...or does he?
I.B.F.Fs: The Real Spooktacular Joke Book - Here Sir
Introducing the next big book printing project!👏
Dr Skulley hated taking the register at the beginning of every school morning. Every morning his pupils do something unexpected which annoys him or sometimes ticks him off, until he becomes so mad that he dismisses the class entirely. That pleases Luke, but sometimes Dr Skulley needs a bit of proper training. Here is what happened during a certain week in the life of the world’s boniest teacher.
“Hey! I’m the one who spoke the first beautifully constructed line of Scream Street, you know.”
Sorry, Dr. Skulley. Anyway, on Monday, all the pupils took their seats as always. Dr Skulley sat at his desk and took the register. “Luke?” he called. He was too busy biting his pencil, testing how strong his werewolf teeth are. “Resus?” Resus was listening to Brain Drain on his phone. “Cleo?” Cleo was doodling in her notebook. “Luella?” Luella was levitating an apple using her magic and paid no attention at all. “This is why she should never use spells at school,” murmured Dr Skulley to himself. He continued. “Six?” Six was asleep at her desk. “Dixon?” Dixon was picking his nose. Yuck! Dr Skulley grossed out for a bit. He continued. “Farp?” Farp was eating a whole plate of beans. Dr Skulley looked really nervous now. “Mia?” Mia was talking to Amy about the handsome looking perfume Charlie got for his birthday. “So, Charlie was pleased by this muscular perfume bottle I got him for his birthday, and you know what? It reminded him of a certain wolf boy.” “Oi!” cried Luke. “Captain?” Captain was making a paper aeroplane and whizzing it around the classroom. “Jasper?” Jasper was doing some maths calculations on his calculator. “Glad someone’s doing their maths work early. Charlie?” Charlie was talking with Pepper until he got bonked on the nose by Captain’s paper plane. “Pepper?” Pepper was silent. Dr Skulley just put down the register and continued with the day’s lessons.
On Tuesday, Dr Skulley decided to try again. Once the class got settled down, he got the register and checked to see if all the pupils are here. “Luke?” asked Dr Skulley. Instead of saying “Here!” Luke said, “Poo!” “Poo?!” cried Dr Skulley, “Luke, I’m warning you! Resus?” “Bum!” called Resus. “Cleo?” “Camel’s breath!” called Cleo. “Luella?” “Magic milk!” Luella called. “Six?” “Wee!” called Six. “Toilets!” called Dixon. “Farts!” called Farp, farting a little. The entire class grossed out. “Class, if you would just pay attention please!” called Dr Skulley. “Bottoms!” called Captain. “Bogies!” called Mia. “Burps!” called Pepper. “Fingernails!” called Charlie. “Calculator!” called Jasper. “Yuck!” called Amy. Dr Skulley angrily threw his register onto the floor. He had dismissed the class and let them stay off school the whole day, because they were too focused on bottom jokes to even concentrate on their lessons. When he went to bed that night, he sighed to himself. “All my students think about nowadays is poo and bottoms,” he said quietly, before he turned out the light and went to sleep.
The next day, Dr Skulley went into class. All the pupils were quiet. “Right, this time let’s try to get some sense into you,” said Dr Skulley as he picked up the register. “Luke?” But Luke was eating some crisps. Resus was eating M&M’s. Cleo was eating honey-covered locusts. Luella was drinking pure white milk. Six was eating a chocolate cake. Dixon was eating marshmallows. Farp was eating sprouts and beans on a plate. Mia was eating biscuits. Captain was eating sandwiches with lettuce, cheese and tomato. Jasper was eating Haribo sweets. Amy was drinking some orange juice. Charlie was eating a cheese and tomato pizza. Well, both of them begin with CH after all! Pepper was eating grapes. “WHAT?!” screamed Dr Skulley, “This isn’t Eat At School Day!” Everyone stopped eating and looked up at Dr Skulley. They all groaned, and some swallowed the food that remained in their mouths. “Now put your food back in your lunchboxes and let’s continue with the day’s work.” Everyone groaned again as they put their lunch back into their lunchboxes, and Dr Skulley began writing on the blackboard.
On Thursday, Dr Skulley was feeling a bit shaky and nervous as he tiptoed into the classroom. The whole class was giggling under their breaths. Once Dr Skulley picked up the register, the entire class burst into fits of laughter. Dr Skulley nearly dropped the register, but managed to grab hold of it in double quick time. Once the laughter died down, Dr Skulley took a collective breath and said, “Right, I want everyone to be on their best behaviour this time. Luke?” Luke made a rude noise. Resus followed with an even ruder noise. Cleo waggled her tongue about. Mia put her finger up her nose and made a burp-like noise. Soon, all the class were making the rudest noises a teacher could hear. Dr Skulley screamed and banged his head on the desk. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” he cried…
On Friday, Dr Skulley was too scared to go into the school, but he had to try. When he came in, he saw that Luke had armed himself with a hose, and all the class were giggling under their breaths. When Dr Skulley came in, Luke fired. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” he cried, soaking wet with water. The class high-fived each other and cheered wildly. “That’s what you get for limiting all my favourite spare time activities!” called Luke. Dr Skulley looked at his register. It was soaking wet, and all the ink had run. “THAT’S IT!” screamed Dr Skulley. His class stopped cheering and became frightened. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH! LEAVE SCHOOL! LEAVE! LEEEEAAAAVE!!” Everyone left, gathering their stuff and exiting out the door. Dr Skulley sat on his desk, sopping wet, and cried. It wasn’t fair being a teacher, especially if you’ve been a laboratory skeleton.
On the weekend, Dr Skulley went round to Calypso’s house for tea. She had heard about Dr Skulley’s troubles and didn’t have trouble with her own pupils. “It’s just too stressful for me,” sighed Dr Skulley as he bit down onto a small chocolate cake, “Every time I try to take the register my pupils are too distracted. I try very hard to be strict towards my pupils, but I feel like time has taken its toll on my hands. What shall I do?” Calypso, always reassuring, gave advice. “I’ve taught my pupils the skills they need to live their lives while they play. I’m hoping you can do the same too.” “What?” asked Dr Skulley. “Let your class have fun while you take the register. I hate to sound like spoilers have just come early, but I think you should let your students embrace the happiness they have when they feel themselves.” Dr Skulley smiled slightly, and hugged Calypso. It was the right thing to do.
So, two days later, Dr Skulley walked into class happily, and saw all the students mucking around in class. He took the register, and this time, everyone was having fun as they called “Here!” one by one. But when it was Luke’s turn, he aimed the hose at Dr Skulley and squirted him with a jet of cold water. Dr Skulley screamed again and took a look at the register. It was wet again. Dr Skulley and his students laughed. “Oh my god, what a laugh!” he cried, “What do you say, class?”
“POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” everyone cried happily in unison. “Yes,” said Dr Skulley, “That’s what I think too.”
Sunday, 3 July 2022
Nature Wolf
Roaming through the lush, green forest is a naked werewolf boy. His name is Luke, and he’s exploring his natural territory. Resus, Cleo and I live there too. We’re all naked - save for Cleo who wears bandages - and we enjoy our wild lives in the forest. Luke roams it, searching for freedom and adventure wherever he goes. He comes across a rose bush with a single rose blooming out of it. He smells it. It has a lovely perfume scent. He picks the rose and touches it with his fingers. It has dark red petals, so silky and smooth. Its centre seems to be like a kiss.
Later, Luke and I are lying under a huge tree, the Adam & Eve of today. Luke gives me the rose. I smell it. It smells so gorgeous. I tickle him with the rose. He is so ticklish that he giggles and tries to push me away, but I just continue. I snuggle right up next to Luke, who kisses me on the cheek and nudges me lovingly. Luke and I are friends after all.
Luke wanders around the forest, searching for something else to do. He hears the sound of water falling in the distance, and follows it. The sound is joined by laughter. The laughter of me and my friends. Luke peers through the bushes and sees me, Resus and Cleo splashing each other in a big, cold, deep lake, near a waterfall. He is delighted, and races to join us, jumping right in. “Woohoo!” he yells, leaping into the water. He emerges and splashes Resus. I splash Cleo, who squeals in delight. Soon we are all splashing each other in the safe, cold water. We shower under the waterfall, feeling every little bit of the water run down our skin. We lie in the water and look up at the sky. It feels wonderful.
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