Don't Watch The New Thunderbolts Film

⚠️ DON’T WATCH THUNDERBOLTS — WATCH THE ‘90s MARVEL CARTOONS INSTEAD!!! ⚠️

Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. This is not a drill.

Marvel’s Thunderbolts is coming and I’m BEGGING you — do not watch it. Don’t fall for the sleek trailers, the snarky marketing, the fake promise of something “different.” It’s not different. It’s corporate. It’s algorithm-tested, boardroom-polished, and absolutely soulless.

Remember when Marvel had heart? Remember when it was weird and colorful and just a little bit clunky? I do. And that’s why I’m here, pounding on the digital walls of this blog, yelling into the void like J. Jonah Jameson on a sugar high: WATCH THE ‘90s MARVEL CARTOONS INSTEAD.

Yes. Those.

• 🕷️ Spider-Man: The Animated Series (1994) — Unapologetically dramatic. Jam-packed with classic arcs. Every episode felt like a comic come to life, voiced by actors who got the characters. That theme song? A spiritual awakening.

• 👊 X-Men: The Animated Series (1992) — This show still slaps. Gritty, political, emotional. It tackled big ideas like prejudice, identity, and sacrifice with more guts than anything MCU-related in the last five years.

• 💥 Iron Man (1994) — Sure, season one is chaos. But by season two? It’s a slick, serialized arc with layered characters and a soundtrack that BURNS INTO YOUR SKULL (in the best way).

• 🌪️ Fantastic Four (1994) — Campy? Absolutely. But it embraced the Kirby crackle. It was pure, vibrant, and fun in a way no modern FF reboot has managed.

These shows didn’t have billion-dollar budgets. They had soul. They had that Saturday morning urgency. They made you believe heroes could be weird, loud, noble, messy. They weren’t made to sell merch (okay, maybe a little), but to spark joy. And they’re ALL available in some form — DVD, YouTube, streaming archives, bootleg VHS if you’re brave.

Thunderbolts? It’s just another stop on the great grey Marvel conveyor belt. Same washed-out color grading. Same jokey trauma. Same CGI sludge. Same tired fake edge. "But it’s about villains!" No. It’s about Marvel desperately trying to look cool while forgetting what made their characters mean something in the first place.

So here’s my final plea:

📼 DIG OUT THE OLD TOONS.
🎶 HUM THOSE ICONIC THEMES.
🦸‍♂️ FEEL SOMETHING AGAIN.

Say no to Thunderbolts. Say yes to the wild, heartfelt, technicolor mayhem of ‘90s Marvel.

Excelsior, baby.
— Rocket

P.S. If you want to feel especially rebellious, watch Silver Surfer: The Animated Series. Marvel’s most underrated masterpiece. Yes, I said it.

Which of the ‘90s Marvel shows do you remember most fondly?