Orko & Optimus: Armada Matata

Hi! Timon here!

And he’s called Timon!

Ahem…you’re called Pumbaa, not after my heritage family name.

Oh. So anyway, what are we here to talk to the readers about?

Okay, so, remember that time when a certain programming block on Cartoon Network named ‘Toonami’ aired two revivals of He Man and Transformers from 2002 to 2003? That was the year to watch it. Then in the grand Winter of ‘04, we got a movie about our story. Well, history’s gonna repeat!

Oh hooray!

Because THIS! Is a story I found on my bookshelf while doing some Spring cleaning. It’s called: Armada Matata. You know, a bit like Hakuna Matata, our catchphrase fans of ours remember, but as said by someone called Optimus Prime, who is one of the main characters in our story.

Oooh! You mean, the one from the ‘80s?

No, Pumbaa, I mean the one viewers were introduced to when Transformers Armada premiered on TV! Geez, why am I reading the story with such a pea-brained hog?

Okay, once upon a time, deep in the jungle, there lived a giant robot called Optimus Prime, and a little Trollan wizard called Orko. They lived in perfect peace and harmony with the jungle creatures surrounding them, and their jungle was so huge it could beat any giant celebrity mansion any day. Pumbaa! What are you doing?

You said I could watch a programme on celebrity homes.

This is no time for watching TV! It’s time for a story, ya hear?! Anyway, as I was saying, Orko and Optimus were both very lonely in their jungle home, and wished they had a friend to keep them company. They would sit in their tall, ginormous ‘Family Tree’ and think about what they would do if they had someone who could fit into their family.

My family tree consists of a giraffe, a hornbill, a cow, another giraffe, a rhino, a hippo, a flamingo aaaand another warthog like me.

One dark and stormy night - OOOHHH! This is the scary part - some random lioness in a red robe ran out of Africa, past the canyon and towards a rapidly rushing river. She was holding a Moses basket, which was carrying a cute little baby lioness cub. She knew her baby was in danger, so she, for some reason, placed onto the river, and it floated away.

Didn’t you forget to mention she waved goodbye to her baby?

Mothers don’t just simply wave goodbye to their babies in these kinds of stories! Instead, the mother said: “May you find hope and courage wherever life finds you.”

My turn, my turn! The baby floated up and down the river, avoiding the jaws of hippos and rapidly floating currents. Then, the baby fell over a huge waterfall, and landed with a SPLASH! Into the river far below. Luckily, she survived, and got washed up on the shore of somewhere which we knew we mentioned already.

The jungle! You’re a genius, Pumbaa! Okay, Optimus was walking along the jungle one peaceful, moonlit night, and was just about to go to the river to look at his reflection, when all of a sudden….

Pumbaa, can you provide the noises for me please?

“WAAAAAAAAA!! WAAAAAAAA!! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

He heard the sound of a baby crying! That baby was eventually the lioness cub I was talking about, and when Optimus saw the baby all alone in her little basket, wrapped in her little red velvet blanket, a smile appeared under his faceplate as he gently, tenderly picked her up.

Optimus had never seen such a baby like this before. When the baby saw Optimus, she looked him in the optic sensor, and saw no fear. Because of this, she stopped crying and began to laugh with her. “Hello, little one,” Optimus said gently, “What are you doing out there all alone? You must look…different, than how we survey our kingdom. Let’s take you back to the Family Tree and show you to Orko.”

Orko was sitting all alone in the family tree, wondering when Optimus would come back, when all of a sudden, Optimus came climbing up into the tree holding Furaha in his arms. “Optimus! You’re back!” cried Orko, “But…where did you get this and what is it?” “She’s a baby lioness cub,” explained Optimus, “I found her all alone by the lake. Suppose her mother abandoned her.”

He gave the cute little bundle of joy to Orko for him to hold. Orko grunted and squealed as Furaha struggled in his arms, but then, she felt his long, tender ears. Knowing she saw no fear in the little wizard, she began laughing with him as she hugged him. “Where’s her mother?”

Optimus looked concerned. “Her mother? Ah, oh, well yes, well her mother…” Optimus had no words to describe where the young lioness cub’s mother was. So, he ignored the malfunctioning word factory in his body and said to Orko, “We’ll keep her.” Orko was like, EH?! And Optimus said, “We can protect her and show her our ways of life. But first, we must christen her with a jungle name.” And thus, they named her…

Oooh! Ooh ooh ooh! I know her name!

You do?

Yes! Furaha!

Talk about the obvious. Anyway, Orko was like, Okay, she’s our baby. But still, Optimus immediately began to like the cub, and so did Orko. Here comes the soppy stuff, so brace yourself: Optimus and Orko snuggled down in their leafy nest, and the two of them were surrounded by butterflies as Optimus held Furaha over his body. Orko floated around them, trying to count each butterfly as if it were a twinkly, shining star.

You’ve been watching Tarzan, haven’t you?

Optimus laid Furaha beside him, and Orko snuggled near his new baby sister. All of the jungle fell into a peaceful slumber as Optimus and his two friends, which now became his family, fell fast asleep in the peaceful glowing moonlight.

I do enjoy moments like this. My go! Years passed, and Furaha grew from a squiggly wiggly squirt into a healthy, energetic young lioness cub. Y’know, this reminds us of when we looked after Simba when he ran away from home because of….how shall I put it…a monkey’s uncle. Anyway, one morning she woke up to another new day in the jungle.

The story may be plotless, Pumbaa, but still, we’re adding flavour into it.

Is it time for lunch now? I’m starving!

We’ll have lunch later, Pumbaa, there are children out there craving a jungle story! Anyway, Furaha awoke bouncy as a towel that’s just been out of the dryer. “Morning, guys!” she giggled. Orko was already awake. “Hey, Furaha! Ready for a day of fun?” “I sure am,” she said, “And you won’t believe what I’m going to see today!” But Optimus was still asleep.

So, Furaha and Orko snuck up behind him while he was still snoozing, and….RARRR-RARR-RARRR-RARRR!! They pounced onto him, and tickled him awake. “Alright, alright, I’m up, I’m up.” said Optimus. Furaha and Orko were so excited they couldn’t contain themselves, even when they climbed onto Optimus’ shoulders.

Optimus gave them a lift down from the family tree into the jungle far below. From there, Furaha friskily ran off to play. First, she climbed across vines with weird crossed eyes, trying to be like a chameleon. Orko watched her from far below, cheering her on like a crowd at a football match. “What do you think, Orko?” she cried, “Isn’t that swell?” “Keep up the good work, Furaha, you’re doing great!” her friend called from far below. But then he felt concerned.

He looked over towards a troop of orangutans who were eating from a huge pile of bananas. “I don’t think you should be climbing above that orangutan family, Furaha,” he called. “Who cares, Orko, it’s just a matter of - WOOOOAAAAAHHH!”

Furaha fell down and landed with a SPLAT into the banana pile. The orangutans were covered in a big mushy banana mess! Some of them were wearing banana beards, and some had banana hair! They looked angrily at poor Orko, who backed away giggling nervously. “Er…sorry, I was just…teaching Furaha how to climb…” But one orangutan used a banana to shoot out its mushy insides at Orko, who got covered in the stuff. Furaha found it so funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA, aaah, now I’m laughing!

Orko couldn’t take enough of Furaha’s playful torment, and this turned into a delightful game of tag round the garden. “Wait ‘til I get my hands on you!” he cried. Furaha was laughing so much as she ran across the jungle, that Orko forgot his anger and started laughing with her too. Soon, he wiped the banana mush from his shadowed face and began riding on Furaha’s back.

Cries of “Yee-haa!” echoed through the jungle as Orko rode on Furaha’s back towards the lake. You know, Pumbaa, this reminds me of the time we tried to chase birds with Kovu and Kiara, and we got chased by rhinos. Those excited yells remind me of the happy days.

Ooh! The days when you had a skateboard?

Nah, not those kind of days.

As Furaha and Orko ran towards the lake, they didn’t realise Optimus Prime was meditating in the water, in harmony with the hippos. Suddenly, Furaha and Orko came crashing through the trees and jumped into the lake with a wild SPLASH!

Ooooohh….that one hurt ‘em.

No, it didn’t hurt them, it provided a soft landing for them.

Anyway, emerging to the surface, the two became worried, because Optimus might get angry with them. But instead, he said, “I know you’re full of energy from climbing, but why don’t you spend time with me in the lake?” The two friends nodded.

“To be in harmony with hippos is to swim with them. You’ll maintain safe peace and harmony from swimming with sentient creatures,” advised Optimus, and Furaha and Orko felt at one with themselves as they swam with their hippo friends. When Furaha emerged onto the surface and came face to face with one hippo, she wiggled her ears with him. She taught Orko how to wiggle his ears like a hippo, too. Furaha and Orko even played with the baby hippos while Optimus relaxed. It was so peaceful that for once, Furaha forgot about the troubles of the world, and swam with her brother and her hippo friends.

Later on, Furaha and Orko encountered a rhino scratching away at some tree bark. “It looks very sad,” said Furaha, “Maybe we should cheer it up.” No sooner had the rhino turned away from scratching its horn on the tree than…

Furaha and Orko fell on him and squashed him?

No no no no no, I meant he was surprised to see Furaha holding onto his horn looking like she was about to cuddle it. The rhino became surprised and shocked as Furaha began to pull faces and wiggle her ears at him. Orko was pulling his ears down and spinning his eyes round and round and round.

Well, the rhino had enough of that, so he ran like a bull in a matador tournament thingy across the jungle, with Furaha holding on for dear life. Orko quickly floated across the forest after his friend, but what they didn’t know was that they were heading towards Optimus Prime, who was relaxing by a tree.

OH NOOOOO!! Furaha’s about to head straight towards Optimu-uh oh, what’s the rhino doing now?

I think the rhino’s throwing her up into a tree.

Those rhinos. Pretty tough guys, huh? Orko, who wasn’t looking where he was going, bumped straight into the rhino’s rock solid bottom and fell on his back on the ground. The rhino snorted and stormed away to do more rhinoey stuff.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, Timon, you and your habit of adding comedy into your stories.

So what? Nothing can ever beat a good laugh. Anyway, Optimus kindly helped Furaha down from the tree, and Orko managed to get up and dust himself up. “I might’ve told you before, haven’t I?” scolded Optimus gently, “Rhinos are very dangerous.” “We’re sorry, Optimus,” said Orko, “The rhino only needed a bit of cheering up.” Boy, are they a tough audience.

“Rhinos are really tough to share happiness with,” explained Optimus. “That’s why you can never trust them. They’re always in a bad mood no matter how you try to make them happy. In his image, rhinos were made to be grumpy.” explained Optimus. “But what about you?” asked Furaha, “Aren’t you grumpy all the time?” “No.” said Optimus. He raised his arms towards Furaha. “....except when I do THIS!”

With that said, Optimus began to tickle Furaha and playfully romp with her. Orko on the other hand was romping with someone else - a small monkey. But, as you said earlier, Pumbaa, he enjoyed it.

Every night, Furaha, Orko and Optimus would sit in the grassy meadow just near the jungle and gaze up at the stars. It was quite a peaceful job doing just that, because the three would be together. Each time they did that, they would talk about what they could see up there.

“The stars are trying to tell us something,” said Furaha that night. “I think they’re trying to tell us to follow our destiny.” Destiny, schmestiny. Didn’t you hear about a certain robot owl? “Well, I think the stars are what my magic created a long time ago when I was still in the womb.” Eurgh, come to think of it, coming out of the womb is really disgusting. That’s why I say you should never watch those childbirth videos - YUCK! “Well, you told me when Trollans were born, their magic developed in the womb, thus, their magic became the stars for expectant parents like your’s, Orko.”

No more, Timon, it’s making my stomach churn!

Let’s put lunch on a straight ban until the story is over, shall we?

Nah, I prefer to eat grub while I’m reading. Okay, so while I’m telling the story with my mouth full, it was Optimus Prime’s turn to speak. “Sometimes I feel like the stars are the spirits of our ancestors, guiding us until the day we ascend to Heaven,” said Optimus. “Yeah, but we mustn’t worry about death just yet.” said Furaha, “We’ve still got our whole lives to live.” “Yes, and that’s why I want you to remember this catchphrase for the rest of your life here with us: Armada Matata.”

“Armada Matata?” asked Furaha. “Armada Matata,” said Orko. “It means no worries.” And we both know what that translates to, don’t we, Pumbaa?

That’s right!

Hakuna Matata!

Now, on with the story. The next day, Furaha found Orko drinking pink fizzy stuff from a coconut. “What’s that you’ve got there, Orko?” asked Furaha. “Oh, it’s just Fizzy Coconut Delight. Want to try some?” “Would I ever,” said Furaha, and Orko handed a coconut to her.

After pulling a few things from his sleeve, which included a rubber duckie, a pair of woolly gloves, a tennis ball and a ginger cat which ran away yowling, Orko produced a tin opener so Furaha can go right into the fizzy coconut. “Ah-ah-ah,” said Orko right before Furaha was about to open the coconut, “You oughta shake the coconut to let it start fizzing.”

So Furaha shook the coconut like it was a pair of maracas, then used the tin opener. Fizzy coconut liquid came rushing out like an avalanche! “Here’s to best friends for life,” said Orko, raising his coconut and clinking it against Furaha’s. “Armada Matata!” they cheered together.

The more they drank, the more they felt their brains turn to jelly. By the way, I like my jelly with grubs. Anyway, when they threw their coconuts onto the floor, they felt so light headed that when they got up they saw stars. Then Orko couldn’t know which way he was floating. And Furaha was wobbling about trying to find her feet!

“Hey, Orko,” she said in a slurred speech, “Did you know why the rhino became a monkey’s bride?” “I know why,” said Orko, almost falling over, “Because you’re a loser!” The two laughed as Furaha ran off, her little lioness bladder almost fit the burst! Furaha ran off to a part of the jungle, and then fell over onto her bottom. “I gotta pee…” she said.

And she did! While sitting down of course. However, the pee evaporated into the soil, and Furaha eventually wiped her bottom with a palm leaf before collapsing onto the ground from being drunk. When she woke up, she was back in the family tree again, and at first she couldn’t see Orko and Optimus because at first they were just blurry shapes. When her vision became clear, Furaha sat up and shook her head to take away the lightness.

“Optimus…do you think us lions need to use the toilet?” asked Furaha. Orko giggled, now not drunk, but Optimus said, “I saw what happened. You peed because you were out of your head when on that coconut fizz. It’s only for grown up animals, Furaha, this is why drinking should not be intended for underage people like you and Orko.”

“But Orko’s a grownup,” said Furaha, “He’s allowed to drink the stuff.” “Yes, but not you. Next time you don’t want to get drunk, try drinking water for a change.”