Zuri: Tale Of An Autistic Stop Motion Character

Chapter 1:

Origins

The synthesised noise of lasers made me adjust my eyesight clearly. Even though I was lying down, I could only see properly, and I could feel fur being placed onto me. I had two sticky-up ears, all semi-circular, and a tail was placed onto me. When I fully emerged, I was stark-naked and crying my eyes out. Two human hands helped me out of the machine and wrapped me up in a soft, white shawl. I don’t know who my true mother is, but they called me ‘Zuri’. I remember them as ‘Jo’ and ‘Phil’, but I only remember their names and no one else. I was still crying when they placed me on a desk. “This little lioness isn’t fit for any of our stop-motion productions,” said a tough male voice, and stamped a ‘Rejection’ stamp on my shawl. The real reason why I’m so different is because one of my ears drooped down.

The next thing I remember, I was carried down the street in the arms of ‘Jo’ and taken to a little house in the country. I was placed on the ‘Welcome’ mat on the doorstep. A knock on the door alerted my new mother - Ophelia. She was a woman of 33, a simple young woman with pale white skin and a flowery dress, plus red high heels that dug into the soles of her feet. Ophelia opened the door and saw me lying on the doorstep, sniffing and crying. She took me in her gentle arms and began to rock me lovingly, lifting me against her bosom. She looked at my shawl and saw the name ‘Zuri’ planted on it. “Now, Zuri, let’s get you a bottle before you starve.” she said.

I grew up living a quiet life with my new mother, my grandma and my foster siblings. They’re the most unusual siblings I could’ve ever had. Most foster children have normal brothers and sisters that are human, but my mum works for a TV agency company, hiring animated characters to star in TV series and movies. The company was named BiroCorp, and five of these characters were assigned to be my foster siblings. Everyone knew I was a stop-motion character, and three of my siblings were stop-motion too. Charlie may look like my older brother, but he’s actually a werewolf whenever he feels stressed. All you have to do is make him grind his teeth and you can let the fireworks go off. Charlie and his two siblings starred in Halloween Monster Party and various Halloween episodes of preschool shows as extras. Now they star as main characters in Monster Avenue. Monster Avenue is my favourite show in the world, and I can’t believe I’m living with my own idols!

Next, there’s Montague. He may be a vampire, but he’s vegan. That means he never eats animals and instead eats food made with plants. He likes to embrace his inner nature, and sometimes before bathtime he takes off all his clothes and lies down in our shared bed, feeling the softness of the duvet against his sensitive skin, which he always takes care of. I always laugh when I see Montague in the nuddy, lying in our bed. He is a gentle vampire who cares for nature and often wants to get outdoors without any clothes on. He hates scratchy clothing and prefers to wear smooth, soft clothes instead of vampire uniforms.

Mona is an Egyptian mummy, an immortal princess who is as gentle as Montague. She is a blackbelt in karate and likes to do yoga to relax in the garden, sometimes swatting away flies and bees. The only time she gets excited is when she plays with me, and when I chase her with the garden hose. Mona and I love to try on Mum’s makeup when she isn’t looking, and sometimes spray each other with Mum’s precious ruby red perfume. Egyptian mummies usually smell musty and rotten, but Mona smelled of lavender bubble bath, mostly because she uses lavender perfume or body mist.

Star and Abby are 2D-animated Australian Jack Russell dogs who had a bad start in life. Their dad was drunk so much that he started abusing his wife, and sometimes abusing Star when she ran to stop them. They were shipped off to the UK, where they were sent into foster care. Everyone spent their time laughing at them and treating them like they were the foster home’s real pet dogs. One day, Star had enough and bit the kid who she used to call ‘alien’, so their social worker put them into a dog shelter. Star and Abby spent their miserable lives surrounded by real dogs. When Ophelia came to adopt our dog Coco, a chocolate brown dog, she decided to adopt Star and Abby too, for they have had a horrible time at the foster home. Star and Abby sometimes flew back to Australia to ‘Star’ in their own preschool series - Star The Shelia Dog. It became famous all around the world

As Ophelia was cradling me in her arms, her loving hand stroking my soft, downy yellow fur, Charlie, Montague, Mona, Star and Abby came to see me. “Hey! You stay away from our mother!” cried Montague, who hated it when my mum paid attention to the other siblings. “Now, Montague, this is Zuri. She’s been left by her parents outside our door, but if you want, you can all welcome her with a big cuddle.” “We don’t mind cuddles, Mum,” said Mona, “I don’t mind a new baby in the house.” “And me!” shrieked Abby. “Okay, everyone gather round,” laughed Ophelia. With that, they shared the biggest cuddle in the world. I could already smell the lavender perfume scent of Mona, and the wet dog smell of Abby and Star.

Now, something you didn’t know about my house is a magical cupboard in my bedroom, which I’ve had for 22 years and counting. I was born gifted and talented, which means the Blue Fairy (no, not the one from Pinocchio) flew through my window overnight and tapped her wand gently on me, giving me the power of a big imagination.

Sandcastles With Grogu

This is a heartwarming and funny short from Lego Star Wars. It'll remind you of the times when you can reconnect with your loved ones.

The Hallowistmas Drill - Part 1: Don't Try This At Home

5th August.

57 more days ‘til October.

My family and I had a big meeting in the kitchen today. Chilli banged a big spoon on the table to get everyone’s attention, as we were all talking and such. All of us were here - me, Luke, Resus, Cleo, Luella, Six, Bluey, Bingo, Muffin, Socks, Mike, Sue, Alston, Bella, Niles, Eefa, Dr F, Bandit, Chilli, Uncle Stripe, Aunt Trixie and Nana. “Now then, everyone, Halloween is in two months, and that means more Scream Street. Which means, due to circumstances untold, CBBC can only air this brilliantly animated yet tragically fallen show on Halloween.” “That’s our show!” said Cleo, “CBBC can’t just take our show and make it go downhill!” “I know,” said Chilli, “This is why we are organising a Hallowistmas plan.” “What’s Hallowistmas?” I asked. “It’s like Halloween mixed in with Christmas mixed in with nuclear war.” responded Chilli. “I’m not one for nuclear war,” said Mr Watson. “Me neither,” said Mrs Watson. “Well we all have to help each other in times of crisis. When Bandit was young his father on our behalf held a copy of Protect & Survive. Lots of people were scared of this now because of the public service announcements that aired in the ‘70s.” “Yeah, loads of people were scared out of their wits!” boomed Niles, “No wonder it ended up on a Channel 4 poll.” Chilli held up a copy of the Protect & Survive manual and placed it in the middle of the table. It looked a little dusty. Chilli managed to find it in the attic scrolling through the equipment she needed to survive times like this.

“We are going to recreate this manual to theme it around the awful new series of Scream Street,” said Chilli. “If anyone, and I mean anyone, in this family, manages to watch new episodes when they air on CBBC this October, then we’re going to be in the very worst kind of distress - if you know what I mean.” Everyone gasped, and Bella fainted! Luckily, Nana caught her. “Well caught, daddy!” cried Muffin, clapping her paws. Socks howled. Chilli once again banged her spoon on the table to quiet the little ones down. “Thank you, Muffin, we needed this. Now, we have a fallout shelter outside in the yard, and this shelter is big enough to fit anyone. Now, who has watched the Bluey episode ‘Hairdressers’ this morning?” All of us raised our hands and paws. “Good! Bluey is much better than an awful second series of a falling stop motion series.” Luella, Luke, Resus, Cleo and Six all looked at their hands in confusion. They were stop motion, while the dogs in the family were 2D animated. I was stop motion too, and I was only six years old! “We’d better start preparing straight away, or Scream Street will fall!”

Later, Bandit was watching ‘Hairdressers’ on iPlayer, when he spotted something which made his jaw drop. CBeebies had made a peculiar edit to Hairdressers. They cut out the scene where Bluey and Bingo were flourbombing Bandit! “Hey! Sweetheart! Come and look at this!” Chilli ran into the room and saw the edit right before her eyes. “Well, wackadoo! I think CBeebies has made a good job of telling kids not to waste flour.” “That’s what the health and safety organisation says,” said Bandit, “Thank god they didn’t show my nightmare of a torture experience on CBeebies, it might be fooling viewers into wasting flour as if it were a sackload of asbestos.” Chilli facepalmed. “Ever since I married you, you always thought flour was asbestos. Flour is flour wherever you are. Bluey and Bingo are just playing.” “You know what? We should take the whole family to the BBC studios to explain our situation to the British republic.”

Upstairs, Luke, Resus, Cleo, Luella, Six, Bluey, Bingo, Muffin, Socks and I are writing a list for Hallowistmas. We only had two things on our list: the Scream Street Petrifying Puzzle Book and the Scream Street Terrifying Trivia Book. “These will be the best books ever!” I cried. “I can’t wait to learn the real truth behind our fallen street!” said Luke. “I’ll learn about real wolves.” Socks howled. “We already have a wolf,” I laughed. Socks barked as if to say yes. “You have two,” said Luke. “Me AND Socks.” Luke picked up Socks and scruffled her head. “Scwu-fal-lees!” he said in a cutesy voice. Seeing this cute moment, Resus and Cleo began to tickle my tummy. I was screaming with laughter. Luella began to tickle Bluey. Bingo tickled Six, and Muffin was left out. Eefa came in and saw all of us laughing as we were tickling each other. “Oh, so one of us is left out, eh?” said Eefa, and she leapt onto Muffin, tickling her. Muffin was screaming loudly with laughter. Then Chilli entered. “Kids! Time for the drill!” “Already?” I asked at last, as we looked up.

We all lined up in the living room as Chilli got the TV ready. “Okay, now I’m going to put on an episode of the awful new Scream Street series, and we all have to run into our fallout shelter at once. I’m going to put on last year’s ‘Bones Of Destiny’ episode. Ready?” “Yep,” we all said. Chilli put on the episode, and we all ran outside into the garden and leapt into the fallout shelter immediately. It was full of toys, games and spoiled food. The smell of spoilt milk filled the air, and we all had to hold our noses. “See? What did I tell you? We’re all safe in here.” “But it smells like a cow did an enormous poo and died, then someone cut it open and took out its milk and intestines,” said Resus. “Be quiet, Resus, you’re frightening the little ones,” whispered Alston. “Good job we have some air freshener,” said Chilli, and got out some strawberry-scented air freshener. She sprayed it, and the sweet smell of strawberry blossoms filled the air raid shelter like lily pads had appeared in spoilt milk to grow and make it smell wonderful. We all enjoyed the smell so much. “It’s like we were in a flowery rainforest,” I smiled, and lay back to enjoy the smell.

Rainforest flowers for you and me,

Protect the planet peacefully

Make our passings heavenly,

And then say, come and play with me!

Just as I was enjoying it in our shelter, I realised Chilli was gone, and Bluey was calling, “Mum? MUM!” We all looked around, calling for Chilli, but then the shelter door opened and Chilli looked in. “TV’s off!” she called. “Everyone back into the house now!” We got out of our shelter and back into the house. Gratefully, the screen was black, and we all cheered and jumped up and down. Us kids had to hug each other and jump up and down. “No more awful Scream Street!” we shouted. “No more cannibalism!” cried Luella.

Later, we went altogether to the BBC studios in Salford. When we got in, there was so much to see. Catchphrases from shows like Teletubbies were plastered on the walls, and TVs were showing what was on the BBC channels. Channel logos were put up on the wall. “All we have to do now is convince the public to watch Season 1 of Scream Street.” said Chilli to all of us. People were everywhere, chatting and filming programmes and everything. We crept into a huge hallway, where various studios were filming programmes. “Sssssshhhh,” said Chilli, and we giggled under our breaths, saying “Sssshh.” to each other. Then we stood outside the CBBC room and waited. And waited. And waited. For all this time, we were silent. Then, it was suddenly broken when Bandit peered into the room where they were airing CBeebies programmes and yelled, during an episode of Go Jetters, “Some idiot cut out the scene where I was flourbombed!” That was when the chaos started.

“Where’s my baby? Where’s Socks?!” cried Aunt Trixie, and we all looked around for Socks, until Bingo gave a shout. “There she is! Look!” Everyone looked, and saw Socks greenscreened in front of an episode of Arthur, barking and trying to tear at the episode. We were all delighted, and the door was open! “Oh yes!” cried Bandit! “That’s my girl, tear down that bespectacled yellow-jumpered aardvark!” cried Uncle Stripe. Bandit and Uncle Stripe crashed through the door, while we all sat down on a plush sofa and watched the chaos unfold. Bandit was greenscreened in front of the episode, and Uncle Stripe was cheering from offscreen, like when he was watching a State Of Origin match on the telly. This is what Bandit yelled to millions of TV viewers:

“The BBC is trying to americanise CBBC! They’re now airing cartoons to attract a working class audience! That’s bad news for our children! Use your common sense and watch Season 1 of Scream Street! This is better than any other show on iPlayer! Join the revolution! Save the street and watch Season 1! I will be proud of you if you do!”

We were all screaming for Bandit and cheering for him as he strutted out of the room with Uncle Stripe and Socks. Aunt Trixie swept up Socks and cuddled her. “We want Dad! We want Dad!” we all chanted, until we got spotted by a TV executive. “You’re spoiling our programmes!” she squealed, “Clear off now!” And with that, she kicked us out of the studios, and we all had to drive home.

“The BBC is trying to americanise CBBC!” Bandit’s roaring speech was repeated on BBC News, as the newscasters were talking about Bandit and Socks’ invasion on CBBC and CBeebies earlier that day. “No need to thank me,” Bandit said to the telly, “We always adore a piece of dad.” “I like when you save the day, dad, you wrecked Elwood City like a reptile wrecking havoc in the city!” We all laughed. “Oh my god, that was hilarious,” breathed Chilli. “I can’t believe we did a great job on invading CBBC today!” “You’re right, if it hadn’t been for Socks, I would’ve left her at the studio forever!” “Then go and get her a bone immediately!” mocked Uncle Stripe, and we laughed even louder as Chilli turned off the telly.

The sun was setting outside, and the sky was getting dark. Everyone’s laughter turned to yawning. “I think we should all go to bed now,” I said. “No, we can’t go into our separate beds, we need to train for when Scream Street airs on CBBC. We have to sleep altogether in one bed.” So we did our usual bedtime routine, then we went into Bandit and Chilli’s bedroom and snuggled altogether into the huge bed, me next to Six and Luke. I snuggled into the pile of family members as Chilli recited Psalm 121 softly, and we were all quiet as we settled to sleep in the dark. As for me, I snuggle down and dreamed of our rainforest fantasy we thought of as we smelled the beautiful air freshener in the fallout shelter.

Sometimes we shall live to find

We never leave our friends behind

And when we embrace inclusivity

You know you are inviting me!

TO BE CONTINUED…

Hairdressers

Well, it's official: CBeebies has cut out the scene with Bluey and Bingo flourbombing their father.

BANDIT: Some idiot cut out a scene in our episode!

You'll find out what that line is for soon enough.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0019trx/bluey-series-2-5-hairdressers

Me, You, And Digimon Data Squad: Never Meet Your Heroes

“Hmmmm…sounds like a total sense of nothing to me,” said Thomas as he gazed up at a poster printed on a lamppost. It read:

‘SHINJUKU ANNUAL BOXING MATCH!

Come at 11PM to see the country’s best fighters compete in the smackdown of their lives!”

Thomas and Gaomon turned away from the poster and went off on their way down the street. “You don’t think this has something to do with drafting people in to play, don’t you?” asked Gaomon. “I don’t think so,” said Thomas, looking around him. “Usually people train and sign up before they get drafted into games like this.” “Do you remember a creature called Shadow the Hedgehog?” asked Gaomon. “Hmmm…doesn’t ring a bell,” said Thomas. “I may be connected to him. Who knows, I may have black blood running through my veins.” Thomas just laughed. “Don’t be silly, there’s no black blood running through your veins!” “Well, I’m going to ask Lanka whether you like it or not!” said Gaomon, and he ran off down the path. “Wait!” called Thomas, but now he was left on his own.

Out in the streets, Gaomon and Lanka were talking about whether Gaomon has black blood running through his veins. “No one will believe me,” said Gaomon, “I seem to have red blood running through my veins, just like everybody else.” “Red? It seems black to me.” said Lanka. “It may be black, but how can you tell black and red are the same colour?” “It’s just the colour of a friend of mine.” Lanka smiled. “You’ll get used to that fact someday.” “But what about Thomas?” asked Gaomon, “He knows the only way Digimon can get different coloured blood is through transnetic operations that only last up to 15 days, and I don’t want to get my blood dyed a different colour while Thomas sits here alone.” “I’m sure Thomas will accept the colour of your blood. In fact, I can use a claw to cut right down your arm and see what colour your blood is.” Lanka reached a paw out to cut his arm, but Gaomon slapped it away. “No self mutilation!” This left them both sitting there quietly.

Meanwhile, Thomas was wandering the streets on his own. He knew he never should’ve argued with Gaomon, and he sat outside an alleyway to think.

Find The Perfect Cartoon For You

Toons, toons! All CBBC is ever talking about these days is toons! And I don't want a stinky sheep named Shaun, I want my monster friends from Scream Street! If you choose another cartoon in this quiz, you're doomed!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/quizzes/summer-toon-takeover-cartoon-finder?collection=summer-toon-takeover

Parental Love & Power

Today I learnt about parental love. This message was unveiled near to the end of Dads Rockin' Out, as Bandit, instead of performing noisy rock songs, performs quiet lullabies for Bingo to prove how special he is to her. I will know how special he is when I watch Curry Quest next Wednesday.

I also learnt about power. Although I haven't reached that bit in my Me, You, And My Little Pony story yet, Spike learnt that with great power, comes great responsibility, and he could use the power of the necklace Wysteria gave him for his birthday to help the young boy Alonso change the terrifying dragons in his stable back into small, friendly, happy little dragons and reunite them with the Princess Ponies.

Goin' Out!

Mum and I went on this amazing trip while our daft old bag of a grandma was at hospital. We had a picnic in the car and we went out for a walk by the river. We also got a bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk to celebrate our first time out together in a year. We helped the environment too, by putting people's rubbish into the bin. There was a hazard for dogs too, there's no barrier near the river, so when people take their dog for a walk, they won't know the dog would leap into the river and get swept away.

LOOK AFTER YOUR PETS! Responsibly.

Me, You, And My Little Pony: Would Be Dragonslayer

“Spike…Spike! Wake up!” Wysteria’s glistening words coaxed Spike out of bed. “Happy birthday,” she smiled. “A-ha! At last, someone seems to remember my birthday.” Spike smiled, “Can’t seem to remember the times when everybody forgot it was my birthday last year, and last year, and last year, and last year, and last year.” “This time I didn’t forget.” said Wysteria, and from behind her back she produced a beautiful pearl necklace which looked like an undersea clam. Inside it was a small blue gem. “A necklace? Wow! I’ve never been given a necklace before.” “This is to thank you for making me a princess,” explained Wysteria. How Spike hugged Wysteria, as he had never hugged her before.

After breakfast, Spike went on his daily rounds of Ponyville. He decided to check on his friends to see how they’re doing. Furaha and Minty were putting up balloons all across the square. They were in different colours - orange, purple and yellow. When they saw Spike approaching, they told Spike to back away from the balloons. “Why?” asked Spike. “Because it’s…er…for a parade. Yes, a parade.” said Furaha. “To honour..er..the most famous pony in Ponyville!”

Squash

Bandit and Uncle Stripe have been brothers ever since the beginning of Bluey. When a father has a brother, it makes him an uncle. But this time, their offspring have the power to control them in a game of squash, just like how people play '80s video games. In fact, Bandit and Uncle Stripe spent their childhood in the '80s, and next week, it'll be all about Fairytale!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0019ts3/bluey-series-2-4-squash

Welcome To The Family: Dads Rockin' Out!

“Happy birthday, Dad!” came the happy cries of Bluey as we all sat in the living room giving Bandit his birthday presents. It was the greatest, most exciting day of his life - besides Father’s Day of course. He had got a lot of presents - a football shirt, a shower kit, a mug with ‘World’s Best Dad’ on it and a small statue of an elephant and its baby, with ‘I Love You, Dad’ on it. “What about my birthday? Can’t forget about old Mike!” said Mr Watson. “It’s Bandit’s birthday, darling,” said Mrs Watson, “Let him open his presents.” Uncle Stripe gave him a guitar shaped present. Bandit tore off the wrapping paper, and saw it was a real electric guitar, with a shiny red coat of paint! We all gasped and ooh-ed in excitement. “Yeah! Rock out, babe!” cried Bandit. Uncle Stripe screamed in excitement as Bandit began to play some awesome notes from his guitar. All of us kids got up and danced, but the parents just covered their ears.

And that was it. From this day on, Bandit couldn’t stop playing the guitar. He played it when we were having breakfast, he played it while us kids were at school, he even played it while he was on the toilet. When he was driving us to school he would sing loud rock songs which we enjoyed, occasionally stopping to phone Chilli. The guitar was an expensive buy, but it was so awesome! Sometimes, Uncle Stripe would get out our toy drum kit and play they’re in a rock band, crashing and screeching all day much to Aunt Trixie and Chilli’s annoyance. Then, came the biggest problem of all.

Bandit liked to play music at night. When he did that, we would cover our heads with pillows and get 3% of a good night’s sleep. Bandit would wake up tired, and refuse to drop us off at school, so he just lay down on the sofa and had a good long nap. Chilli had enough, and one day, she and Aunt Trixie decided to take revenge on Bandit. While Bandit was taking a nap, and while we were at school, Chilli took his guitar and went outside with it, putting it in the rubbish. When Bandit woke up, he saw that the guitar wasn’t there. “Pearly? Pearly!” he cried. Pearly was the name of his guitar. He looked all around the house, but he couldn’t find Pearly anywhere. Upset with himself, he slumped upstairs and lay on his and Chilli’s bed with bloodshot eyes and bags right under them. We all slept well the following night, but Bandit lay awake, thinking about Pearly.

Later the following evening while we were having dinner, we were listening to Radio 5, which was playing nice, gentle selections of classical music for the modern family. Bandit felt sneaky and turned over to Radio 2, which played loud rock n roll music. He began to use the fork he was holding as a drumstick, and bashed on his plate and the radio in time with the music. We all looked up from our food and began to make music too, laughing as we joined in with our Aussie maestro Bandit. Chilli facepalmed. “I give in, you win,” she said, digging into the rest of her sausages and chips.

At bedtime that night, Bandit was just about to go downstairs and join Chilli for some me time, when suddenly he heard Bingo groaning from inside our room. He went back in and saw his daughter struggling to get to sleep. Bandit crept up to her and knelt down by her bed. She leant closer towards her and began to whisper a lullaby into her ear:

“Lullaby and goodnight,

Bandit’s here through the night,

Never fear, Bingo dear,

To Dreamland you go…”

As he sang, we all yawned and snuggled into bed too, for we might as well get a peaceful night now that Bandit has resorted to lullabies. Chilli was watching from outside our room, the light from the hallway shining into our room. She smiled, and a tear came into her eye. Bandit sung it to Bingo for every night onwards, until she was old enough to go to college.

At college, Bingo found a cassette tape in her box of things. She placed it into the cassette player and heard Bandit’s lullaby once again. She felt her heartstrings being tugged by the soothing vocals, and she was moved to tears. “Thanks, dad,” she said. Suddenly, her roommate Lila came crashing in. “Hey, what are we waiting for? Art class is already starting!” Bingo wiped away her tears and took Lila’s paw. Both ran out of the door as the lullaby trailed out of the room and through the hallways, delighting every college student who came past.

THE END.

A Song To Sing By The Light...

The Quiet Alley

It's the story of a bowling alley worker who just wants a little peace and quiet....