Dirty Bertie: Horror: A Review

 

Horror! by Alan MacDonald
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Read it for a little while, but found some similarities to Horrid Henry's Haunted House.
Made me want to read a Horrid Henry book at bedtime instead.
Still highly fun to read though.

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Nature

Nature is the most relaxing place on Earth.

Fresh air, calm and quiet.

Me, Brains, Alan, Tin Tin and Lady Penelope, playing together unclothed and wild and feral in its freedom, as if we are raised by the whole animal kingdom.

Dirty Bertie: Horror: Recognize Some Slimy Similarities?

Early this morning when I was reading the Dirty Bertie book Horror, I started recognising something. No, it's not that I want some buttery popcorn and a strawberry slushy for breakfast, because we haven't got the equipment and recipes to do so.

It's just that this first story in the book shares some similarities with both the first and last stories in Horrid Henry's Haunted House. Here are four main reasons why this story is too similar to the Horrid Henry stories 'Comfy Black Chair' and 'Minds His Manners'. Two for each one, mind.

At number four, both Horror and Comfy Black Chair feature the main characters of both stories wanting to watch their own stuff while somebody else wants to watch something babyish and soppy. For Henry and Bertie, it's movies featuring monsters or a showing of Mutant Max or Rapper Zapper, while for Peter, Gran and Reg, it's Daffy & Her Dancing Daisies, or Manners With Maggie, or Me, You & Bonzo Too. Both Bertie and Henry hate such sloppy films and series.

At number three, both stories feature the intense - but somehow not too intense - subject of being misled into watching another film. For Bertie, he wants to see Return Of The Blob Thing but is tricked by Gran and her new boyfriend Reg into watching Bonzo, while Peter always steals Henry's position in the Comfy Black Chair when he wants to watch Gross Out and other stuff Peter finds revolting. It's all about taking control, according to both Henry and Bertie at least.

Number two sees what went on in my head while I was reading Horror. Images of the climactic, chaotic scene where the Goo Shooter Gang raid Manners With Maggie in Horrid Henry Minds His Manners transformed into the woman trying to get into the car from Horror running into the film and the Blob thing trying to eat them while Bertie and the audience at the cinema fire Goo Shooters at them.

And number one...well, I think it's ultra mega super easy.

I'm going to have to read a Horrid Henry book.

All thanks to Gran and her boyfriend Reg.

I think it might be Krazy Ketchup...if I have it, actually.

Rain

Refreshing.

Calm.

Cool.

A nice, long, cold shower after a trip through the hot desert.

Dirty Bertie: Jackpot! A Review

 

Jackpot! by Alan MacDonald
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Imagine....Bertie is rich!
Well, Gran only had twenty pounds, and any other time in the world, Bertie begged her for a million. My favourite part of the first chapter is Bertie looking around the luxury toy department, and going crazy driving around the shop in a Ferrari.
Perfect for any fan of Horrid Henry or somethingorrather.

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Touch

As a 3 month old stallion on wobbly, lanky black legs, I have no proper stallion mother. Only the lovely Lady Penelope ('15) to look after me.

She loves me so much, from my ears to my hooves. When she strokes my velvety black coat, all soft from the last two months of adjusting to the world, she becomes bonded with another animal she was forbidden from seeing civilized. She's wild and free...a human animal protecting me.

Cuddle

A cuddle is the softest thing my mummy would ever give me. Being a lady of natural leisure, she's so kind and so gentle that a little kiss and a hug won't hurt at all.

Alan, Brains and Tin Tin offer the same comfort to me when I'm on Tracy Island, away from the mansion. When I'm off colour or ultimately depressed, they and Jeff Tracy are the ones I could turn to for the softest cuddle an IR agent could ever give.

Ice Cream

A treat Lady Penelope ('15) gets out from the freezer when I feel sad about something, like, my favourite toy is torn to shreds by Sherbet. Also a treat Stitch nags from the freezer in the background of an ITV soap opera.

Nuzzle

I'm 3 years old. Pure, black velvet coating my body, a little white muzzle on my snout...me and Lady Penelope ('15), my new mummy, swimming pure and simple in the lake of the desert. Just us two, cuddling and swimming - her ladyship - or what was once her ladyship, now an unclothed desert wanderer.

Nuzzling is a way I can show my love and affection without words - she loves me, even after my mother is gone, she is my new mother.

Gentle, kind and patient - and a lover of wild horses.

Rabbits

When I hear the 2018 Black Rabbit Of Inle's voice, she sounds so pure and soft. I almost teared up hearing Mara Carlyle's Field Of Snow, because I thought of the 2015 version of Lady Penelope talking in that exact, soft, calm, kind, patient manner to my 3YO self....telling her there is absolutely nothing to worry about...that it's okay to cry....that it's totally okay to do anything, even when others push you to the ground.

The sort of mummy everyone wants.

Vaseline

Radiance is a mother's job. Lady Penelope ('15) uses this in quiet time to keep her skin supple and sensuous. When I see her, I want to eat her, and we play a game of 'Cake Chase' where my fellow mansion family members and I run after her, and then pile up on top of her, cuddling and squealing in joy.

Kamara

Our protector, when we are exploring the desert.

Cool, delicate and soft under our bare feet, Brains, Alan, Tin Tin and I have nothing to fear. Kamara is always patient and guides us to where we can keep cool in this once-piping-hot place. She is a second mother to us.

TNN Presents, In Association With The Daily Planet:

T T Retro Cures Blog Creator's Hiccups!

Here at the Daily Planet, we are delighted to inform you that T T Retro has officially cured a blog curator's hiccups!

When she went out with her support worker, she got a bad case of the hiccups from eating a big lunch after a horrid storm too quickly. As always, she got a bad case of the hiccups, but who do you call when the chips are literally down? Certainly not Superman, that's for sure.

"The owners of T T Retro definitely cured our friend's hiccups," remarked Tracy Island resident Tin Tin, one of her friends. Being an engineer all her life since 1965, she has been glad to have other jobs as well - her true one is caring for her dear little friend. "I never knew a comic book store would be an unexpected cure for her hiccups, but it was."

"She has been a truly brave soldier, confronting her hiccups through her interests," commented Bucky O'Hare, member of the S.P.A.C.E patrol.

"She's surely found her cure this time, Snarf Snarf!" added Snarf, long time member of the Thundercats.

Here's hoping that whenever one of you comic book fans comes across this wonderful store when you have hiccups, being interested in something would cure you and rid you of hiccups once and for all.