Introduction
Hello and welcome to-
“CHRISTMAS SWIIIIIIIIIIIM!”
Muffin! I’m trying to introduce things around here.
“But I wanted to liven things up.”
Alright, fine, you can introduce this collection of 13 stories along with me.
“Hooray!”
Anyway, thank you for taking your time to read this - I hope you enjoy the 13 stories that are present in this book. And just in time, too.
“If it’s Chwistmas, then I’m lucky you picked it up! LET THE READING BEGIN!”
Yes, let the reading begin.
Stone Cake
(Based on a true story)
One cold, dark day in December, Luke, Resus, Cleo, Bluey, Bingo, Vince and I all made our way to see my friend Helen, who lives just down the street. Helen is a red dog with brown, curly ‘80s-styled hair and funky pink glasses. Her husband, Graham, is a grey old dog who always wears his ‘World’s Best Chef’ apron day in day out. In fact, he looks just like Bluey’s Grandpa Bob when you think about it.
They have a tiger called George, who always tries to scratch at the kitchen door to let Helen give him a big tin of tiger food. He always loves his food, especially his Tiger Snacks! Their kids are called Molly, Leeland, Toby and Lily - they all have different tastes, but Molly is into things like iCarly, Monster High and Gabby’s Dollhouse now. Sometimes she has the inseparable duo of Spike the dragon and Pandy Paws over to play, because they know her very well.
And the best part? Helen has EVERYTHING! She has a hot tub outside on the patio. She has a kitchen full of food, including a breakfast cupboard full of cereals and spreads, a cotton candy machine, a waffle maker and a Slush Puppy machine. Her kids also have a lot of toys too, making me wish I was lucky enough to have such a glam life. In the cupboards also she has lots of Disney mugs - Doc McStuffins, Disney Princess, Marvel’s Avengers, Sofia The First and of course her Little Miss Chatterbox and Little Miss Sunshine mugs, which we use to drink cocoa from. Helen is a good cook - she makes the best cakes in town, the best drinks, the best popcorn, the best you name it. You ask for it, she’ll make it.
“Do you think your kids will be home today?” I asked as we pulled up outside Helen’s house. “Nah, I don’t think so. They’ve gone to their local Enlightening Kids session.” “What’s Enlightening Kids?” asked Bluey. “Something the local church organises for specially gifted kids. They gave Molly a kite last Summer as part of the annual kite bazaar.” explained Helen. “Wow!” gasped Bluey. “I bet we can set up a kite sale at home.” “Dad says we’re too young,” said Bingo, “My personal opinion is-” “No time for talking,” said Helen. “Let’s go in and bake!” “Hooray!” we all shouted. “Ditto!” shouted Vince, and we all glared at him with the most evil expressions ever seen by man ever.
When we went into Helen’s house, the first thing that greeted us was George bouncing up to us. He was sniffing all around us, hoping that he could detect the scent of a dog. And he did - the scent of a dog called Bluey. And one called Vince. Bluey giggled, but Vince just sat there, his ear twitching. “Down, George, down!” called Helen. George sat and gave the adorable anime-style face he always gave when he wanted attention. “Don’t mind George,” she said, “He’s feeling extra bouncy and sniffy today.” “Well at least he didn’t sniff my bandages, or grab them. I’ve just had them cleaned yesterday.” remarked Cleo. “Well, step into the kitchen.” said Helen, so we all followed her.
The kitchen had cupboards all around. At one end of the room was a large table with ice cream placeholders on it. On the other end of the room, there were lots of cupboards housing the food and mugs I just told you about. “Now, who wants a nice mug of cocoa?” “Me! Me! Me!” we all shouted. “I do!” I called. “Okay, let me get them ready for you guys. Once you’ve drunk them, you may help me with baking the chocolate cake you’ve designed. Do you have the design, Sybil?” “Yep,” I said, and I presented the drawing to Helen.
It was a two tier chocolate cake with pink icing on the first tier, and yellow icing with a black smiley face on it, and a plastic toy version of Simba on top. “I made it myself,” impersonated Resus, and we all began to laugh. Outside, George growled and scratched the door. “Okay, we’ll keep it in a safe place so none of you will knock it over. In the meantime, you can sit and enjoy your cocoa. It shan’t be long, the kettle just boiled.”
While we were waiting for our cocoa, we were just like men at a pub waiting for their drinks, chatting merrily about what they’re going to do this Christmas. “I’m going to spend another Christmas at Uncle Stripe’s house!” said Bluey. “Remember the last time I had Bartlebee for Christmas? He’s part of the family now.” “Well, Luke, Resus and Cleo are a part of my family, Bluey.” I high fived Luke. “And to make things better, I think spending time with your sister is the best thing of all.” Bingo gave a sassy pose and face and laughed, “You shouldn’t have.” “What about Vince? Isn’t he going to spend Christmas with Rex The Runt and his companions too?” asked Luke. Vince didn’t respond. He was eating something.
We were all concerned for a minute. But when I looked closer, he was eating my cake design sheet! “VINCE!!” I shouted. “Drop it! Drop it NOW!” So Vince did spit it out, and all that was left of the cake design sheet were some slobbery paper bits and faded colour. “Oh my god…” I whined, hiding my face in my hands. “What’s all the hullabaloo about?” asked Helen as she brought us our cocoa. “It’s Vince, he ate up my cake design.” I wept. “That’s naughty,” said Helen, “It’s Sybil’s cake design! Are you going to say sorry to Sybil?” Vince had no time to think. He just said, “TUESDAYS!” “That’s it. Out you go!” cried Helen. “No, Helen, no!” whined Bingo. “Yes!” cried Helen. “He’s going out until he’s learnt to behave.”
Helen sent Vince out into the garden, near the hot tub. He was upset and very sorry for himself. As we drank our cocoa back indoors, I asked Luke, “Do you think Vince will be alright out there?” “Alright? Ah, prrrrffff, he hasn’t gone and married a hoover for nothing.” “How can someone marry a hoover?” asked Bingo. “Easy, they invite her to do you know what with him, they see a ballet show, then they marry and then they have kids! End of story.” said Resus. “Vince might freeze to death!” I worried, “It’s cold and dark out there.” “Don’t be silly, Sybil,” said Bluey, “Us dogs are warm blooded so they get through the cold weather easily. Take the husky, they are warm blooded and can get through Winter weather.”
But outside, unbeknownst to us, Vince had discovered Helen’s hot tub. Time for a party, he thought as he lifted off the covers to reveal the water. And who cares if I’m plasticine or not, I’ll enjoy the turb anyway.
Meanwhile, back indoors, we were helping Helen make a chocolate yule log. We put in butter, eggs and flour, but the best part was cracking the eggs. We had to put in every single egg from the pack into a whisking jug and mix it all together until it was yellow and sticky - just how the hens agreed to do it. By the way, did someone mention something about going vegan being the highlight of the times we’re in? LOL!
Meanwhile, outside, Vince had turned on the bubbles and the colourful disco lights that accompanied the hot tub, and jumped in. The water was lovely and warm - just how this mentally unstable dog liked it. Then he decided he could invite a few friends - friends apart from Rex The Runt, Bad Bob and Wendy - around to enjoy the turb, so he got out his cell phone and began dialling the number of White Trisha.
Back inside we were excited when the mixer began to combine the ingredients together to create a nice chocolatey pool of edible batter. Bluey and Bingo shook their bodies and made funny noises. “Ah, who cares, let’s join in anyway!” I cried, and we all began shaking and making funny noises. Helen even put on some ‘50s jive music so we can dance like no one’s watching. It was great fun!
Meanwhile, outside, Vince had invited a whole host of female dogs to come and enjoy the hot tub with him - even Chippy and Cherry, who wanted to get into the tub with Vince because they knew hot turbs are for lurve. While two poodles stroked Vince’s twitching ears, Chippy and Cherry began making out, and some lady dogs began to relax.
Back inside, we were licking the batter off the spoon and the whisk as Helen popped the mixture into the round cake tin and shoved it into the oven. We had chocolate all round our mouths as Bingo remarked, “Batter licking!” She spat chocolate everywhere from saying that, including on Resus, who cried, “Get it off, get it off!” How we all laughed….except me. “That’s just what Vince would say. Shame he’s forced to spend all the time outside. I wonder what he’s doing right now?”
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